Did you say *%^"**?

If you have ever had a desire to see famous people being low down dirty and crude seeming, have a look at this clip from a Channel 4 advertising campaign. Apparently it was intended to run in cinemas but was black-balled.

Bushy does it again

President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little piss-ants. "If the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now", said Bush.
Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated he was having a hard time finding even one marine to volunteer to help the ungrateful French out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few women marines to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave.
President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure the marines did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them. The less they stand out the better.

Somewhere, right now.....

Read this and tell me if you are proud to be British.
Methinks this man should change his religion and pose as an immigrant.

Hello Hello Hello

This needs no comment from me!

Undertakers in Ireland are noticing that more people are requesting to be buried with their mobile phone.

The country has had a tradition of people being buried with some of their most treasured possessions probably as a continuation of some ancient pagan practice.

According to AFP, some ask that their mobiles be buried with them in case they are buried alive, they wake up and can phone for help. One funeral director reported how some insist the phone is turned off so that if they so wake up they will have battery power when the phone is turned on again.

Of course this assumes that the relatives have not shut off their contracts, their batteries are not run down and the signal reaches six feet under.

Families burying phones with their loved ones, are encouraged to either turn them off or switch them to silent or vibration alert.

After all nothing is worse than the priest saying "Ashes to Ashes" and suddenly Crazy Frog goes off in the casket. Or you get the latest cricket score.

My 90 Day Hell - T Bliar

So, the Great Stupendo did not get his 90 days for terror suspects. We will see all sorts of The Great and The Good parading their consciences and declaring how civilisation has been saved. Whilst I am forbidden to wish them harm, it would be rather apt if the next Islamic Idiocy were at the site of Guy Fawkes attempt.
It might be said that my support of extended detention is all part of being a running dog policeman. The police asked for this period and that is good enough for me. Opponents will say that giving in to police demands is the first slippery step on the staircase to a police state. I don't see it as a demand - it is an assessment of what might, in certain cases, be needed to allow the police to do what we expect of them. Whilst their work after 21 July shows that they are good at detection, prevention is a much better alternative. Terrorism as we now face it is international - the Mr Big jets in and sets things up and is back on a plane leaving Heathrow before his Fundamental Fanatic friend is strapping on his rucksack.
I read an assessment the other day of what was involved in the 21 July enquiry. Over 30 computers were seized. 50 mobile telephones had to be examined. There were some 10,000 pages of print-out. I cannot remember how many lines of enquiry led overseas. We will never have the sort of forensic resources to cope with this workload. On an enquiry of this extent, the IT resources alone are immense. As things develop and news of the enquiry leaks out, things will become more difficult. Stronger encryption will get onto the computers. Mobile phones will be used once and destroyed. All terrorists involved will be taught that they must resist all interrogation for three days to give time for colleagues to go deep and possible evidence destroyed. Given the total lack of concern about - indeed, desire to maximise - death tolls it is essential to stop things in their tracks in advance of an event. This is much harder than waiting for something to go off and then seeing who did what, where, when, with what and in what manner.
So, we will regret an opportunity missed. I just hope that this is not a terrible expensive lesson we will have to pay for in lives.

Downsides of being a policeman

I'm going to do one of those things I've said is not good practice but just go and read the postings here.
The guy describes his problems in handling bad cases and how officers lose their way through the pressures that build up.
I can identify with him - what he says is correct and well expressed. Get some insight into how some people deal with what is a very real world unknown to most others.

Trouble in Paradise

The other person besides me that reads these blogs will know that I have little respect for the individual currently performing the task of UK Prime Minister. He is now an embarrassment to his party, the whole idea of democratic government and this country. His drive to get things done would be commendable if they were carried out in an ethical manner. I get the impression that he is not now working on initiatives that will benefit any real problem but is looking for self-aggrandisement. His association with America has inspired him to create some Tony Bliar library such as happens there. It will contain his electrifying correspondence with the great and the good, detail all his good works and generally elevate him to the status of ...............Disneyland. More like Dolly Parton's Dollyland. A theme park.
I have no real objection to his wish to leave a impressive memorial. It is just that it would be so false - like a movie studio backdrop of the Grand Canyon in Ealing High Street. Anything that might superficially be seen as good works was bought at great cost. The Good Friday agreement on Northern Ireland? Give the Nationalists what they want and promise them more. Throw the odd bone to the Loyalists. National Health? Where is the improvement one would expect from the immense trainloads of money thrown at it. Social justice and equality? Look around you. Education times 3? This is really some scheme for cutting down umemployment amongst those who would have left school to try and join a job market for which they are totally unqualified. I am sure that his failure to set the date for his departure is because he wants it to coincide with some pseudo-triumph on his part. Go out to a roll of drums.
It cannot be soon enough for my part.
Who would replace him? Who should replace him? What policies (i.e. false promises as to the future) should they propose?
I don't know. I don't care. The proposals will be weasel-worded away.
Just damned well go and get off our backs.

Works for me

'There are those who look at things the way they are and ask why...I dream of things that never were and ask why not?'

Don't know where it comes from. However, I second whoever it was that first stated this earth shaking little saying.

November

I'm finding that I have some sort of objection to November. I noticed it last year but thought it was just me but already this year I am starting to lose interest in this month. It always used to be one of my favourites - the starkness of the empty trees, dramatic skies at dawn and sunset, the uncertaintity of what sort of weather each day would bring.
Nowadays, I find myself annoyed at the fallen leaves which clutter everything. The skies generally portend bad weather and almost every day seems bad. I used to get a lot of enjoyment out of snow-covered landscapes that reduced everything to black and white; I hope I am not going to be deprived of that.
I am unsure whether I can get into politician mode and blame it all on global warming or if it just a Grumpy Old Sod sort of thing. I try to run ahead by repeating the 'Oh to be in England, now that Aprils here' mantra but it does not do much for me. April is such a long while away. P

Well now - that's clever

Who would have imagined that in this day and age, someone could do this sort of thing? Given that, why the hell is texting getting so common.

watch your tense and case

oh baby
i want to be your direct object.
you know, that is to say
i want to be on the other
side of all the verbs i know
you know how to use.

i've seen you conjugate:
i touch
you touched
you heard
she knows
who cares

i'm interested in
a few decent prepositions:
above, over, inside, atop,
below, around and
i'm sure there are more
right on the tip of
your tongue.

i am ready to spend
the present perfect
splitting your infinitive
there's an art to the way you
dangle your participle and

since we're being informal it's okay to
use a few contractions, like
wasn't (going to)
shouldn't (have)
and a conjunction:
but (did it anyway)

and i'm really really glad
you're not into dependent
clauses since all i'm really
interested in is your
bad, bad grammar
and your exclamation point.

In your local bookshop now

Not going to put this on my Amazon wish-list.

Courage?

This comes from an American blog. I'm not going to include any link for reasons that will come clear.

I am writing to let you know that my father has been diagnosed this week with cancer in his lungs. It appears to be in an advanced stage. We don’t know for sure what kind it is because we have decided not to pursue all of the tests necessary for a definitive diagnoses, but the lung specialist has called it a probable bronchial alveolar lesion. In addition there are enlarged lymph nodes in his abdomen of unknown etiology which may be cancer also. Dad has returned from the hospital to the nursing unit of the R.P. Home. He is resting easily and does not appear to be in much distress from the lung lesion. He does continue to have severe pain in his lower back from spinal stenosis. He accepts this news with a calm and sure faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. He does not see that he has any more work to do for the Lord now, and is ready to go to his fathers. He believes that resurrection beats death every time. Dad and Mother's address is:

This guy is going down the route that I would try and follow if this came to my door. Whilst I'm of no known religion, it is clear that some belief can be very sustaining. I would have to rely on the strength of my main adage "shit happens".

Apply for ID Card early - instructions

The image will enlarge if clicked. (Note confident use of 'will')

Muslim "problem" - another cure?

I see this as a reasoned and well-expressed posting.
How To Fix Europe's Muslim Problem
To figure out why Muslims integrate so poorly into Western societies you have to look at why other religious have integrated well. If you do that, the solution to Europe's problems with Muslims is obvious - free their women. This will be expensive but bring huge upside.This behavior comparison technique is used by criminologists to cut through liberal cant. If social conditions made Johnny bad, how come other kids in the same school/housing/family turned out fine?Europe and the US are full of people from poor and backward nations who play a productive and peaceful part in their new societies. For example, here's another snip from the Theodore Dalrymple piece used in the post on muslim killers (my emphasis):Many young Muslims, unlike the sons of Hindus and Sikhs who immigrated into Britain at the same time as their parents, take drugs, including heroin. They drink, indulge in casual sex, and make nightclubs the focus of their lives. Work and careers are at best a painful necessity, a slow and inferior means of obtaining the money for their distractions.UK society contains Hindus and Sikhs at all levels - they have strong community spirit, but they intermarry with and are respected by the native Brits.The big difference is the way these religions treat women. Here's how Indian Hindus see Indian Muslim treatment of women.THE NATIONAL Commission for Women has done a distinct service to society by coming out with its report on the status of Muslim women in India. Penned by Syeda Saiyidain Hameed, it is literally the `Voice of the voiceless.' Many girls are married off before they are 15. The man has the right to have more than one wife. And he can divorce them at will - with the triple utterance of the word talaq. This talaq can even be conveyed by phone or post-card. ...There is a vicious circle of large families, poverty, little education and less employment. According to the 1991 census, Muslims are 12.12 per cent of the population. But only 4 per cent of Indians who finish school are Muslim. Only 4 per cent Indians in government jobs are Muslim. And nobody seems to know how to break this vicious circle. To an objective observer the solution is clear enough; there must be a ban on polygamy and triple talaq. A divorced woman - and her minor children - must be maintained as long as she does not remarry. They must have smaller families and they must take greater care to send their children to school.Of course Indian Hindu society, like our own, has only recently ceased to treat women as inferiors. But unlike Muslim society it has made the transition, for example electing a woman as president in 1966. The Sikh religion appears to have treated women as equals earlier than any other society:Against this backdrop it is significant that Sikhism, one of the world's youngest religions, accorded women complete equality with men in all spheres of life over five hundred years ago.All of which explains why the US and UK have so many Hindu and Sikh women professionals.This isn't intended to romanticize women, who are of course often extremely irritating and lack a proper interest in, for example, the finer points of cars. But it doesn't take a lot of analysis to see that a society that suppresses the talents of half of its people is going to lose out against one that doesn't.So the way to civilize the Muslim killers hiding in Brit society & the rioters in France and Denmark is to free their women. This big project is vastly preferable to the alternatives of deporting and/or repressing tens of millions of people.To achieve this, European societies have to ensure that Muslim women are fully educated, that they are protected from brutalization by Muslim males, and that the Muslim quasi-legal basis for treating women as chattels is extirpated.As well as changes in laws, this will need lots of cops - preferably women and probably armed. Cops to keep the streets safe for women, cops to make sure that young women are not prevented from attending school (common in the UK), cops to bust very family member who commits or abets an honor killing or beating (common in Germany), cops to protect the educators.And look at the upside! Native Europeans are not reproducing enough and face dilution by Muslim incomers. If they do nothing, they'll be overrun by barbarians, whereas if they free Muslim women their societies will peacefully prosper.

Defend yourself

I got this from the Lexis legal site.

The Bill to change the law on resisting intruders received early rebuffs in Government, signalling it will struggle to become law. Under the plan, only those who use "grossly disproportionate force" against an intruder would leave themselves liable to prosecution. At present, the law allows homeowners to use only "reasonable force" in defence of themselves and their homes.

To my cynical but untutored eye, this looks like another Government dogs' dinner on the part of those who draw up planned legislation. Opponents say that the existing law is sufficient and there have been very few - albeit well-publicised - cases where charges have been brought. We have the present standard of "reasonable" force with the proposed barrier for the new Act being "grossly disproportionate" force. So, beyond reasonable or plain disproportionate will be OK. Who will decide what is ordinary disproportionate (?) and what is grossly etc? On this sort of thing, are the fortunes of my friends in wigs made.

My dog continues to amaze me. She is wary of dogs we meet in public - she was bitten by a rogue Labrador when a pup. We were walking in some woods today and she was off checking on her stock of rabbits. Coming along the path towards me was a fairly large Alsatian. He was very alert and stopped, hair raised, and snarled at me. It was not the sort of snarl that would respond to kindness and the mutt did not sit when I gave it a trainer's sort of instruction. I was just adjusting my balance to give it a quick kick in the slats if it came closer when Sable appeared. She stood alongside me and snarled at the much larger dog. Not a trace of fear. The other dog went off sideways into the undergrowth and that was that.

In her case, what she did was well within the bounds of reasonable never mind disproportionate.

Mt wife The Project Manager - Part TWO

The work in our bathroom has now been completed. Despite B & Q rather than because of them.
Individually, each part of their survey, fitting and customer service team seem capable of doing a good job. The problem seems to be getting them all on-side as one team. We had a delivery that was short of all items and included a unserviceable item. We were given a date for uplift of the broken item and delivery of the items required. That took place but we still did not have a complete set of bits. Various suggestions were put forward as to what would happen next. As we had had so much faffing about, we insisted on very close estimates as to the time things would happen.
This attitude was not catered for. Then came the suggestion that everything be put back for a week whilst everything was collected. We did not want this - their not being able to get it right in six weeks convinced us it would not happen in one. Then we realised we had sufficient parts to deal with the bath replacement. This, of course, was all we really wanted. We told B & Q we were so dissatistied that we were cancelling the works on w.c. and hand basin. They agreed to this so we had a result.
Well done Norma - we'll make a project manager of you yet!

Afterthought

I wrote about The Master and his article where he expressed wish to a a pole-dancers' pole. When I wrote it there was something in my mind that I wanted to add. It just would not come to me.
This morning I woke up and straight away remembered. The singer Blondie used to sing a song in which she expressed the wish

I wanna go to Heaven before I die

That's what I wanted to add. Strange how the mind works isn't it?

OK - see what your result is

I am 19% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

Examples abound

I recently bought a book on creative writing as I thought it might lead to something. I'm still being creative about that idea. However, that man whom I now follow like a disciple, has just posted this.

We are not entirely without ambition. Often I have seen a young lovely in Bangkok, on Patpong or Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy, revolving without excessive clothing around a brass pole in a dim club with disco thumping in the murk and almond eyes watching for a flicker of interest. I do not want to be president, nor a Rothschild nor a computer magnate. But a brass pole in Bangkok, that I could be.

Snap

In the late 1970s Snoopy embarked upon a journey to visit Daisy Hill, only to find that the puppy farm had been replaced by a six-story parking garage.

This is the same sort of dreadful event that happens to me. The vandals destroy my heritage.

Sorry - this is a must

Iranian kills woman when she proposes
Mon Oct 31, 2005 12:19 PM ET

TEHRAN (Reuters) - A 52-year-old Iranian has been sentenced to death for killing his 70-year-old lover when she asked to marry him, a newspaper reported Monday.

A court report in the Etemad daily said a taxi driver, identified only as Hamidreza, became furious when his elderly lover Setareh proposed marriage.

"I went to her house and she said she had deep feelings for me and suggested we get married," he told the court.

Hamidreza explained he already had a wife and children. "She then got frustrated and slapped me," he said.

The man knocked her unconscious and suffocated her with bed-sheets before making off with her jewelry.

I haven't put a link to this as this is all there is and and veracity issue would be minor compared to this.

But, just think - if this guy came to England we would all be enjoined to think of him as one of us and make him welcome.

Mind you, if there are any other 70 year-old Iranian women (any nationality considered though) who wish to - and can - keep a 52 year-old interested by sex alone, please give her my details.

Time out

I found this on my wanderings. Sums up how I seem to be feeling right now. So, though this is nicked from another - it's my message for a while.

Despite what the above picture suggests, I haven't gone to the beach, nor am I currently walking into the sea never to be heard of again. I'm merely very tired and distinctly uninspired. Mind too full and too empty at the same time. And although it's pathetic, I hate looking at or even thinking about a neglected weblog page containing nothing more than the ongoing self-pity that has characterised recent posts. So I'm taking a break for a while. Back soon. Ish.

Something more on avian flu

This is from Diamond Geezer - so, not much doubt about his origins.

H5N1 Chistmas

Hi Mum. Hi Dad.

Sorry, but for the first time in my life I'm not able to be with you this Christmas. At least it's not my fault, it's that damned bird flu. Even if I was allowed to leave London, which I'm not, I don't think I'd ever be able to get round the Felixstowe Exclusion Zone. I've heard they shoot people who try to cross the M25 now, so it's really not worth the risk. And I understand things are really bad up your way too, all coughing and choking and spluttering everywhere. Maybe if you'd realised Norfolk was a county full of potentially disease-ridden turkeys you wouldn't have moved there in the first place. Is Bernard Matthews still on the critically ill list?

London's a very strange city at the moment, or at least it was the last time I dared venture out a couple of days ago. I bet I looked really stupid wearing a dustmask, but I'd still rather look stupid than risk catching something. The streets of East London were as empty as you might expect, although Christmas lights still shone defiantly in a few windows. It took a couple of hours until I finally found a shop that was still stocked and open. I'd never normally pay fifty quid for some rice and a few tins of something with a foreign label, but these are desperate times. I passed a handful of sick-looking people lying under blankets in doorways with the telltale red splotchmarks across their faces. You'd think the authorities would have taken them off the streets by now, but the few council lorries I saw seemed to be busy transporting corpses instead. I shan't be going out again.

I've not been into the office for ages, which suits me because taking the tube was starting to feel like a kind of viral Russian roulette. But it's strange staying indoors all day every day. At least there's the internet for company, but when the power cuts come I just curl up under the duvet with a good book. Much better than the endless public information films on the telly anyway. All those surplus IKEA tealights are starting to come in very useful - I hope yours haven't run out yet. The wailing from the flat directly above me finally stopped last night. All that constant moaning and wheezing was really getting on my nerves, but somehow the empty silence is far far worse. And I'm still waking up every morning and praying that my light sniffle hasn't developed into anything more serious. So far so good - it's probably just a cold - but's it's really worrying all the same.

So, I'm celebrating Christmas with three cards, a box of handkerchiefs and one of my remaining cans of lager (I'm saving the other one for New Year). I stockpiled a turkey ready meal in the freezer last month before this whole crisis worsened, but I fear it's semi-defrosted too many times now. Maybe I'll just have to make do with the last of the Advent chocolates for lunch. Then, if the electricity holds out, I'll listen to the King's Christmas Broadcast - see if he can wring an ounce of hope out of the whole dreadful situation. Sorry I've not managed to buy you a present this year. BUPA sold out of online gift subscription packs weeks ago, and multipack boxes of tissues are just too bulky to post. I'm glad to that hear you're both still fit and well (see, that flu jab in October was worth it), and long may the two of you stay that way. Happy clucking Christmas.

2,000th US soldier killed in Iraq

If you are able
save for them a place
inside of you
and save a backward glance
when you are leaving
for the places they can no longer go.
Be not ashamed to say
you loved them
though you may
or may not have always.
Take what they have left
and what they have taught you
with their dying
and keep it with your own.
And in that time
when men decide and feel safe
to call the war insane
take one moment to embrace
those gentle heroes
you left behind.

Read this guy - he's good

My wife - the project manager

Norma has appointed herself Project Manager for refurbishment of bathroom. Bath that had been resurfaced started to chip so search initiated for replacement of bath. Scheme One- remove bath altogether and have super-size walk about shower. Contractor initially selected turned out to be rip-off merchant.
Project shelved as too difficult.
Chips became larger.
Search for alternatives identified B & Q who have remodelling teams.
B & Q interested but only do total refits - i.e. everything including bath, loo and handbasin. Declined by Manager as outside scope.
Ch Exec Officer (guess who?) ruled that whole thing was better than chipped bath getting worse.
B & Q supplied brochures etc. Considerable confusion ensued at project site.
Consultant called to advise, reconcile and obtain order. Ordered but everything put on hold until fitter had visited.
Changes in design post-consultant but prior to fitter visit.
Fitter visits. Changes identified. Whole project re-costed - OK within budget. Fitter then advises that some of consultant's ideas were not possible. Further re-evaluation and changes.
B & Q Customer Satisfaction team introduce themselves. Want to deliver bath next day - 5 weeks ahead of start of site works commencing. Declined after much debate.
Satisfaction team announce delivery date - no time specified. Project Manager fairly relaxed.
Satisfaction team advise that delivery would be between 8 and 12 next day. Project Manager assumes 12 is time they will come.
8.10 this morning. Delivery. Project Manager in dressing gown, sans make up or brushed hair. Show delivery man where goods were to be stored in spare bedroom. Driver advises he does not deliver above first floor level. OMG. To be stacked in hallway.
Quite clear that B & Q are keen users of IT. Some items not delivered. Toilet pan that was delivered is cracked. Some wrong items included.
Consultation with Satisfaction team. Serious misnomer. Consultant might deliver/exchange items that were u/s. Might not. No one too sure. Team to initiate email to consultant and advise response. May have information ahead of fitting date.
Installation team due next Tuesday. Current state of play is that there is not enough of any one package for them to do anything other than rip-out what we have. Project Manager somewhat disconcerted. Our planning with crib board and matches surpasses entire efforts of B & Q so far.
This saga will continue.
We have not yet got to stage where fag-smoking, tea-drinking, loud radio-playing, arse-crack displaying workers appear. Lack of materials doubtless intentional to allow the fitters to move to another job and leave us loo-less, bath-less and handbasin-less.
Contingency plan to move with washing implements into B & Q warehouse/showrooms where we will avail ourselves of the display items.
Project manager was intending to move onto kitchen rejuvenation. I doubt that this will figure large in plans given this experience even so far.

Foot in mouth returns?

Whilst I do not run with the bird flu pandemic worries shown in some of our more sensational media, I reckon there is cause for a little dignified concern. The 1918 figures as to numbers of deaths and the rate at which the virus spread make it seem like some Weapon of Mass Destruction. Obviously, hygiene levels and spread controls were not then so sophisticated as we now have. People lived in closer proximity. The tamiflu protection did not exist. Even now we have it, it only works on ordinary flue. Even then, it needs to be injected within 48 hours of onset of flu.
But, it seems that the actual make-up of the drug that will be used to counter avian/human flu has to be tailored to suit the way the virus has changed so as to get from animal to human food chain. This means that production cannot start until we have cases up, running, declared and identified. Somewhere I saw that this process could take months with distribution and vaccination adding more time. All the while the dangerous-to-humans strain is amongst us.
OK - there will be delays involving the uncontrolled spread of the killer infection. Our Government seems sanguine about this. Remember how confident they were that foot and mouth was no big deal? So, put your faith in the politicians and 'experts'. Then I read that the testing which laid the blame at the door of some South American parrot may not have been all that wonderful. Could have been some Taiwanese chick that shared with the guacho. Just a minor error - one or the other was right and they are now all dead anyway. But, says Doubting Thomas, there had been a consignment of birds at the quarantine centre that overlapped the Taiwanese. Maybe some of them were sick but unnoticed. Where are they now? Sold to individuals.
I have not seen anything (yet) regarding application of ministerial boot to chemists' arse on the topic of getting things a little bit more on the ball.
The drug company that will - in the fullness of time - produce the avian flu antidote has said that to get things in gear, it will need additional factory space and feels it should be recompensed for this. Enter old moneybags Brown. Cue delays.
Doubtless there will be dispute as to who gets the counter-agent as the first supplies trickle down. Something I have every confidence our government will solve. Not.
I don't suppose they will have to burn dead humans as they did the cattle and other livestock; all I hope is that Brigadier who solved disposal last time, is still on hand.
So - I am not panicking. I can see the potential for an almighty cock-up. I wait - I would say with baited breath but puns are cheap and objectional in matters of life and death.
I have done my bit to help. Talking with an old codger the other day, he asked how we would know if we had bird flu. I explained we should be suspicious if we started to mount our ladies from the rear with much cackling and flapping of arms whilst stamping our feet. He said he'd try to avoid this but they did need the eggs.

Deja vue

These last couple of days have reinforced my determination that there is no way I could return to being a parent. I don't care what Norma may have rolled up in an old hanky a la Monica whatnot's blue dress. She will never get my consent to do some magic DNA thing or whatever.
Having two teen-agerish guests is OK until idea becomes reality. We are lucky that we have two very good ones here - we have the benefit that we can detect their Wood genes from their mother and know how to deal with those. It is just the constant pressure to be doing, responding, reacting yadda yadda that is slowly killing us. I was heaving for breath coming up steep sand dunes today and stopped before my eyes went like a fruit machine wheel. I explained that I was getting old and needed to stop more than I used to. Reply was "Yes, I know. Comes to us all one day" Such wisdom eh?
Still, they have to return as the sparrow breaks wind tomorrow morning. We will then sink back into sloth-impersonation mode. We will have plenty of "Yes, I know"-type moments to keep us amused for quite a while. But, for sure, contact with youth has not rubbed off on me and made me feel any younger.

Birds fly in

Drove over the tops to Hadington this morning en-route for the Air Museum at East Fortune. This is where they have one of the Concorde aircraft that was retired af few years ago. They have made it a nice feature - well presented with plenty of modern technology.
As we got quite high up, we saw two big skeins of geese fly over. There must have been more that 100 in all. A short while later we saw another big mass of birds going in the same direction as the earlier lot.

Those were the days

I've been reading the Battle of Britain reports for this day back then. Whilst we lived very close to Hornchurch fighter base, the overall situation was not generally divulged. We lost so many gallant guys may have been one reason but security will have been uppermost in the minds of media censors. It was a close run thing and the reports are well worth a read - or at least a quick scan.

Islamic flu

Mark Steyn does another of his Islamic studies in today’s Telegraph. What is clever is that he has based the article on avian flu and the doubts we may have had as to it’s inevitability and manner of diffusion. It is at the end – almost en passant – that he ties it in with the pan-Islam agenda. Neat writing following on good research.
All was solved this morning at the doctors. I had to see the Vampire Lady and get a blood check started. She did the blood pressure thing as well and seemed quite happy at the result. One would hope so too given the amount of medication I am taking.

Weird quiz.

You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Mankind is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility. Existentialist 94% Romanticist 88% Modernist 81% Cultural Creative 69% Materialist 69% Idealist 69% Postmodernist 63% Fundamentalist 44% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

Do you have our address Mr. Noah?

Lordy - hasn't it rained today! I looked out of my bedroom window about 4 this morning and it was coming down stair rods. I - almost - swam to Haddington to top up on food and things and even now in the late evening we are still seeing the rain come down. I've gone through two raincoats (I hate putting a cold and wet raincoat back on) and have been in and out of wellies all day it seems. I'm amazed the roads are dealing so well with the water; there were only a couple of places where it had flooded.
The livestock all looked so forlorn. Sheep had huddled together like a big ball of knitting wool and just stood and let the rain wash them down. The cattle were all under the shelter of trees where they had them or just in the wet in open fields. Obviously none of them had time to go into what is supposed to be bad weather mode where they lie down My poor old dog went down for her early morning walk, put head and shoulders outside the door and then pushed back at me. Total refusal to venture further. She came shopping with me and we stopped at the picnic place to give her a run. Still heavy rain but the attraction of a possible bird or rabbit lured her out. Once she was wet, she quite enjoyed herself in the grass and in the river.
Grandchildren Libby and Sam arrive tomorrow for a couple of days. I think we are ready - I've oiled our skates so we can keep up with them.
What with the rotten weather, I've avoided all newscasts on radio or TV and the home page here is Google news so that has been cleared as it loads. The daily survival is all I can cope with - the troubles of Kashmir, Iraq and Cherie B Liar would be just too much more baggage. Thankfully, the banter on the Army Rumour site has kept me amused in the time I had left after swimming about outside and showering – I was about as wet as after a shower and the water is hotter.
I checked the counter today to see what effect, if any, my planting of attractive words might have had. Not much is the short answer. I had a couple of guys from the Arabian Gulf looking for Farouk and one ‘person’ interested in my lambskin rug. The woman with muscles had a small following. I think I’m well capable of devising a blog entry about a playboy Arab King who enjoyed muscular women on a lambskin rug. He was a keen roulette player so perhaps he could lose the girl to a Zionist when 00 came up?
Doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. I know it is nothing to do with my heart caper but otherwise I have not a clue as to what they want to do. I've been racking the walnut that is my brain but cannot work it out. I shall have to do, as StarTrek says with a sad lack of English Grammer and 'boldly go'

Chinese enterprise

'Babies for sale' on Chinese eBay
There is a thriving black market in babies in ChinaChinese police are investigating a report of attempted baby trafficking on an internet auction site, according to a state-owned newspaper. The advertisement was reportedly placed on eBay's Chinese website, Eachnet. Boys were advertised for 28,000 yuan ($3,450) while girls were offered for 13,000 yuan ($1,603), Eachnet manager Tang Lei told the China Daily.
The offer could have been a hoax, but it comes as baby trafficking is seen as an increasing problem in China. China's strict "one child" birth control policy, coupled with the traditional bias for male children, has led to widespread reports of child abductions, and several people have been sentenced to death for their part in smuggling rings.
According to Eachnet, the advertisement was registered in Shanghai on 16 October.
The seller, under the user name "Chuangxinzhe Yongyuan" or "innovator forever", said the babies would be available within 100 days of their birth. The seller said the service was being provided for the benefit of China's millions of infertile couples. All the children were described as coming from Henan province in central China. Although no deals were struck, more than 50 people browsed the listing before it was removed, including one who left an enquiry.
According to Tang Lei, the website automatically screens all the postings it receives. But the word "baby" is not seen as a forbidden term because so many baby products are advertised on the site.
Mr Tang admitted the posting may have been a hoax - but he added that, if not, the person responsible for the attempted sale could face many years in prison or even the death penalty.

Answers please.

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Do fish get thirsty?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
What makes cheese so confidential that we need cheese shredders?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Puppies

No dogs were harmed in the making of this image.

What about that!!

The IMS came up in something I read today so I had to go away and look it up. I think it is a really good concept and might explain much.
IRRITABLE MALE SYNDROME
This term was coined by Gerald Lincoln, a researcher at the Medical Research Council in Edinburgh, and came to public notice in Britain in early March. Presumably he, or the MRC’s press officer, coined it on the analogy of irritable bowel syndrome. Dr Lincoln claims that men of any age who suffer stress can experience sudden drops in testosterone level, making them bad-tempered, nervous, or easily reduced to tears. One suggestion is that testosterone replacement therapy may restore men to their usual state (whatever that is). The idea has received what one may describe as a mixed reception, with comment from the female of the species being particularly acerbic.
If irritable male syndrome does affect men, diagnosing it won’t be easy. It’s far from clear what normal testosterone levels are, while extra doses of the hormone may increase the risk of heart disease.
[New Scientist, Mar. 2002]
Q: What do you call a man who is always tired, miserable and irritable? A: Normal. Q: How can you tell if a man has irritable male syndrome? A: You ask him to pass the salt and he yells: “Take, take, take—that’s all you ever do!”
[Daily Mirror, Mar. 2002]

Here we go again!

I am a mug for new things. Generally so new that no one knows what they are about or if they work. Anyways, going through my RSS feeds (there's clever isn't he!), I came across something that said it was a further development of FireFox. Find out more here. So, this is just to see if it works for me. The Word for Blog thing works but mine seems to have gone a bit flaky the last few days. Plus - as I said, I'm a sucker for new things. This does not seem to even have a facility for those pesky html things so it is really great for the old and past-learning. Anyway, I have the maestro JamRolyPoly girl here next week so I might end up with a html black belt (or black eye knowing her!)

Heard in an extremists bunker

These are quite imaginery - I hope. Need to stick with the first few until one gets the idea.

Another view

I posted a picture on Friday of a female member of the US Marine Corps. A small degree of research has found this photograph of her doing what I am quite sure is the thing she does best. I am not a great fan of female body-builders but, having dabbled, I can appreciate just what it took to get to this degree. Ideal for for Blunkett if he ever took up the study of anatomy, Scare the shyt out of some Shite Muslim if he took her hostage and stripped her for the orange jump-suit!
If I cannot knock 50 years off my age - I wanna be a tattooist.

Marriage - defined

I read most things Julie Burchill writes with a strange fascination. It is almost as if I know that I should not but I cannot resist. Bit like the News of the World all those years ago with reports on paedophile Scout masters or reporters visiting prostitutes who always ‘made excuses and left’ as the knickers came off. Today, she is commenting on the Beckham’s marriage. That bit I’ll ignore – I care not if they have a genuine marriage or just present themselves as some marketing duo. What I do like today is her comment on what constitutes marriage. She says:
I don’t agree with the uptight, curtain-twitching theory that marriage is a sacred chalice and a public concern, and I say that as a Christian and a socialist. In my view, it’s about: (a) finding someone you don’t feel completely cross with at the prospect of having to turn down sex with other people for; and (b) finding a refuge from the demands of public life — that’s why it’s called a private life. I can see that definition as incredibly apt. Anything else one might include in Wiki-marriage is really contained in her 38 word Delphic Oracle.

Odds and sods of the day.

I wrote about the need for the 90 day detention in terrorist cases. Need not have bothered by the wave of comments but it is nice to see that an accepted writer seems to agree with me.
Trafalgar Day today. Bit of a sham really in celebration terms. We had that farce of a day at sea earlier in the year when we were not allowed to mention French and Spanish involvement. Given the sad lack of demonstrating our martial past, I suppose we have to be happy that it even got a mention. The VE and VJ celebrations are now all but dead. We seemed to be punishing ourselves more for being party to the atomic bombing over Japan that remembering just how many lives were saved by their use at that time. Where is Waterloo Day? It goes down well on the continent but seems to concentrate there on a French cry "We woz robbed". What about the Battle of Britain?. I suppose the Church would go all mealy-mouthed as they did with the Falklands celebration.
Poking about on the net and in the back rooms of my mind, I came to realise just what we have lost. Service of one's country was paramount - even amongst sailors forced into the navy courtesy of the press gangs. The army of today presents, to me, the image that it is seen as a career just like joining a major corporate entity where self-advancement is the motivation. Service as a vocation has gone.

Some things never change

Should have known this would happen once you give the job to a German guy

Regrets - I've got a few....

This is the sort of thing that makes me realise I left the Army just a bit too early.

You've gotta be joking!

I just cannot believe that I have just read this report on actions of US troops in Afghanistan. If I have read it right, I cannot think of any bigger 'own goal'. The recruits to terrorism must be in a queue of great length all clamouring to start making new IEDs or strapping on their suicide belts.

US probe into 'Taleban burnings'

The US military has launched a criminal investigation into alleged misconduct by its troops in Afghanistan, including burning the bodies of Taleban fighters.

The move came after an Australian TV station ran footage of what appeared to be US soldiers burning the remains.

The footage shows other troops apparently taunting residents of a nearby village, which they believed to be harbouring the Taleban.

The act of burning corpses is regarded as a sacrilege in Islam.

Afghan Defence Minister Abdul Rahim Wardak was "deeply shocked" at the report and has also ordered an inquiry, a spokesman said.

'Lady boys'

The SBS television footage begins with a warning of disturbing scenes, particularly for Muslim viewers.

It opens with shots of an American PsyOps unit using loud pop music to try to flush out the Taleban - who banned music when they ruled the country.

The most shocking footage in the film shows the corpses of two presumed Taleban fighters laid out facing Mecca and then being burned in what the reporter, John Martinkus, describes as a "deliberate desecration of Muslim beliefs".

You are too scared to retrieve their bodies - this just proves you are the lady boys we always believed you to be Troops' alleged message

Later footage shows two US soldiers reading from a notebook messages which they said had already been broadcast to villagers.

"Attention Taleban you are cowardly dogs," the message reads. "You allowed your fighters to be laid down facing West and burnt.

"You are too scared to retrieve their bodies. This just proves you are the lady boys we always believed you to be."

A Pentagon spokesman said that, if true, the claims would be "very troublesome".

The US military condemned the alleged acts, saying they would be "aggressively investigated".

"This alleged action is repugnant to our common values, is contrary to our commands-approved tactical operating procedures, and is not sanctioned by this command," spokesman Maj Gen Jason Kamiya said.

In May, there were widespread protests, resulting in the deaths of at least 15 people in Afghanistan, after Newsweek magazine reported that US forces had desecrated the Koran at the Guantanamo Bay military camp.

'Outrageous'

The footage was shot in the village of Gonbaz outside the southern city of Kandahar by Australian cameraman Stephen DuPont, who was embedded with a US unit, for SBS's Dateline programme.

It shows a group of five soldiers standing on a rocky ledge, watching two burning corpses with arms and legs outstretched.

Islamic tradition states that bodies should be washed, prayed over, wrapped in white cloth and buried within 24 hours.

The soldiers initially said they were burning the bodies for hygiene reasons.

The TV report also suggests that the incident could be in violation of the Geneva Convention on the treatment of enemy remains, which states that the dead should be honourably interred.

Afghanistan's Independent Human Rights Commission called on US forces to find those accountable and punish them.

"It is outrageous. The Americans are ignoring the basic principles of the international humanitarian law," said its deputy head, Ahmad Fahim Hakim.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/world/south_asia/4359128.stm

Published: 2005/10/20 12:52:28 GMT

© BBC MMV

Posted without further comment!

Oi mate - point of bleeding order!!

Admittedly, this is politics 'down under' but I had the feeling as
to how this might be Prime Minister's Questions here had Ken Clarke
got into the Leader position he deserves. This is from The Grauniad...

A heated exchange took place in the New South Wales legislative assembly
yesterday
concerning improvements to the Pacific Highway, which the Backbencher
is happy to quote here.

"Mr JOSEPH TRIPODI: When I visited Bonville, the local parliamentary
representative was somewhere in Sydney. He was unable to be found in
his own electorate. I was well received by the Mayor of Coffs Harbour
and the Mayor of Bellingen.
Mr ANDREW FRASER: Point of order: Sit down, clown! The minister has
made an attack on me, which was totally untrue. If he wishes to
attack me, it should be by way of substantive motion.
ACTING SPEAKER: Order! There is no point of order.
FRASER: There is. If he wishes to attack me, I suggest you tell him
to do it by way of substantive motion.
TRIPODI: Look, mate, the people who live in Sydney think that Coffs
Harbour is the place to go for holidays, not for the local member.
FRASER: You are a bloody liar!
TRIPODI: For the people who live in Sydney, Coffs Harbour is a place
to go on holidays.
ACTING SPEAKER: Order! The honourable member for Coffs Harbour will
resume his seat.
FRASER: Would you like a bloody drink of water, mate? I tell you, I
should ask you about the 13 deaths.
ACTING-SPEAKER: Order! I place the honourable member for Coffs
Harbour on three calls to order. I ask the deputy sergeant-at-arms to
remove him from the chamber.
FRASER: Christ! Thirteen bloody deaths! Thirteen deaths and you want
to lie about where I was on parliamentary business in Sydney, you
clown! And you stand there and do that? I won't take that, you bloody
liar! You are a bloody disgrace to this place and a disgrace to your
portfolio and your electorate!
[The honourable member for Coffs Harbour left the chamber,
accompanied by the sergeant-at-arms.]"

Account - To Beans £75,000

The Government says its new system for the regulation of lawyers will mean that getting legal advice is as easy as buying a tin of beans. I intended to write something here that was very witty along the lines of that'll be a cold day in hell before my learned friends in wigs would allow the simplicity of the English legal ststem into any transaction they would regard as 'Trade'. However, my man Oliver Pritchett had the same thought. I bow before the master!!

Actually, I still remember being a first-time buyer of a tin of beans and the whole process was pleasingly straightforward. It began with a letter from Hardy Smollett & Galsworthy, a reputable firm of certified comestible acquisition agents. The letter was headed "Re your proposed purchase of beans" and it enclosed a pretty simple document.
"For the purposes of this contract, 'beans' will be taken to mean a quantity of pulses of the haricot variety, or similar, which have undergone the process of baking and are drenched in a sauce claiming, avowing or purporting to be of a tomato flavour, and wholly contained in a tin," it said.
It went on to stipulate that, in exchange for certain monies, the supermarket chain, the grocer or his appointed agent would covenant to assign or surrender the demised tin of beans to me. Then all I had to do was sign the document, with two witnesses, and send Hardy Smollett & Galsworthy a preliminary cheque for £1,600 to show I agreed to their terms.
Things moved pretty fast after that. The customary "search", in which they carefully check that apparent grocers' shops are not in fact gunsmiths, vets' practices or petrol stations, took the usual six weeks and I was well on course. My tin of beans was looking like a piece of cake.
Two months later I heard from the comestible acquisition agents (who had been in lengthy correspondence with the grocers' chartered provisions retailing advisers) that my request for a tin of beans was "going to shop". This is a technical term meaning there would be a special hearing in a supermarket where a qualified CC (Customer Counsel) would plead on my behalf for the purchase of the beans. This can be particularly useful when two potential customers are going for the same tin. A date was set for the following autumn and we retained a brilliant CC for £10,000 a day. We also hired the best tin opener in the country.
We hit a snag when the day for the hearing arrived. It turned out that our CC specialised in those tins of baked beans that have the little lumps of slimy sausage in them. The rules of his profession say that lumps of sausage men cannot take part in non-sausage cases. It was really my fault for not being specific at the outset.
It turned out for the best, really, because we then retained an even more brilliant, and slightly more expensive, CC named Sir Geoffrey Bullingdon. Sir Geoffrey was noted for his eloquence; the clerk at my comestible acquisition agents told me: "That man could charm the bean tins off the shelves."
After half a dozen quite normal delays, the case came to the supermarket hearing and Sir Geoffrey arrived looking magnificent and followed by four juniors pushing trolleys. I felt quite nervous giving my testimony as he fixed me with his pale blue eyes, held up a piece of paper and said: "Can you tell the members of the tinned vegetable aisle, is this your shopping list? And will you tell the aisle, in your own words, what items appear on this shopping list?"
It was a complicated case and it lasted three and a half weeks. I seem to remember the legal fees in the end amounted to more than £750,000. It all hinged on an important retailing principle, known to the experts as tesco in propria asda, and there was a crucial precedent concerning the question of how small an instant coffee granule has to be before it is considered a powder.
It was agony hanging round in the supermarket car park waiting for the decision on my beans. At last Sir Geoffrey and his whole brilliant team came out to give me the fantastic news that I had been awarded a tin of spaghetti hoops.

Dream on Daddy-O

Look back at leisure

Just been recapping on the Katrina thing to see what is now about. I did find a very good transcript from someone who had a scanner on the police radio net. Interesting only if you can read the messages with some idea of what else is going on. However, I did come across something that shows just how much people got together to assist survivors. It has that irritating thing about blogs where the latest news is first so reading it as a story means you have to scroll down right to the first and read from there.

All together - aah

Don't touch me - I'm a terrorist

Those who have a problem with the "up to 90 days" anti-terrorist legislation should read this article.
The main opposition comes from the people who claim to be acting in defence of human rights. The arguments I have heard completely deny any discussion other than "human rights". They completely deny the merest suggestion that there are any balancing rights. What about my human right to go about my business or pleasure without being spread all over the walls of some building? Why should I be subject to additional procedures and searches brought about by people who have no respect for human rights and who are quite prepared to sacrifice themselves in pursuance of their selfish demands? I do not see this as a black and white situation - there are shades of white and shades of black. It is not that suspects will be fitted with iron masks and committed to some deep deep dungeon for 90 days.
I rather like the idea of a supervising judge in terrorist investigations. Those countries that have some form of the Napoleonic Code criminal procedure employ this system and I have always liked it when working as part of such a system.
The increasing use of computers and spread of an investigations across numerous countries involving different languages and criminal codes means that the current 14 days is insufficient. Given the volatility of the 7 July-type terrorist, there is a grave danger of carrying out investigations until guilt and involvement is clear and potentially dangerous players have to be taken out of the game at an early stage.

Rude word - B*ea*t

This is a victory over the mean-minded who objected to - it seems - one word and one phrase in a radio broadcast in America. I've been to Lexington (base for the State University) a couple of times and it does seem to have a large number of little old ladies with blue-rinse hair who wear voluminous dresses and trainers. They are quite nice - I was asked to present a major prize at the Junior League Horse Show just because I was English - but I suspect their narrow faces reflect the fact that they have minds as narrow as a chopping axe.

How UK's radio station banned, and unbanned, Keillor (UK here is University of Kentucky)

By O. Leonard Press and Al Smith
Special to The Courier-Journal

Fans of Garrison Keillor are relieved to know that "The Writer's Almanac," the famed humorist's weekday five-minute radio show that they learned Friday morning was banned from the Bluegrass -- Central Kentucky, that is -- was unbanned Friday afternoon.

An outpouring of protests from Keillor's Kentucky fans apparently saved the show, the same day that the killing of it for too strong language was reported on the front page of the Lexington Herald-Leader.

The poems Keillor has been reading have featured language that is just too offensive to risk being fined by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), said Tom Godell, general manager of WUKY, the public broadcasting station operated by the University of Kentucky, earlier in the week..

"I don't question the artistic content," Godell told a reporter for the Herald-Leader, in explaining why he dropped the program Aug. 1, "but I have to question the language. It's not that he is behaving like Howard Stern, but the FCC has been so inconsistent."

And then, in what seemed to be one of the historic cave-ins of the principle of free speech and academic independence at the commonwealth's "flagship" school, which aspires to be a top 20 university, Godell added: "We don't know where we stand. We could no longer risk a fine."

Then the protests started.

Some digging by the Lexington reporter Jamie Gumbrecht turned up two poems Keillor had read that mentioned the word "breast" and another that had the phrase "get high."

Although Godell at first told the reporter that reaction to the cancellation had been minimal, apparently he hadn't begun to get the angry calls or yet read the buzz of internet correspondence and commentary we were reading, which mocked a university "in free fall" over "breast" as in breast cancer, over "get high" as a metaphor for joy, and suggested, darkly, that the ban was the act of a manager with a conservative ideology determined to silence a critic of President Bush.

On Friday afternoon in a statement put out through UK's public relations office, Godell said that in response to "many of our listeners" he was restoring the "Almanac" to a new schedule -- at 7:01 p.m. as part of National Public Radio's Fresh Air program. At the same time, he cautioned, "The concerns we have are real about the use of language that the FCC has fined stations for recently. . . . We have put in place an editing process . . . to delete such language. . . . "

Godell, whose station still carries Keillor's "Prairie Home Companion" on weekends, might have noted that the FCC has added a woman described as "an anti-indecency activist." Critics charge she is there to give the religious right a voice at the FCC. By why WUKY's action against Keillor, who sings old-time hymns on the radio?

It is hard to believe that the FCC, which tolerates the language on "Law and Order-Special Victims Unit" and the scripts for "Desperate Housewives," would pull the plug on Garrison Keillor reading "A Visit from St. Nicholas" and the "breast of the new fallen snow." But Keillor himself, queried about WUKY's ban of his poetry readings, asked, "Should it become a shoulder or an elbow? I don't think so."

Godell may now have discovered that playing it safe is the most unsafe thing an educational station manager can do. He is terribly out of touch with the public-radio mainstream, and insensitive to the university community it serves if he believes that all he has to do is hit the delete key -- and all potential problems will disappear.

O.L. Press is the founding director of Kentucky Educational Television. Al Smith hosts KET's Comment on Kentucky. They live in Lexington.

My day day dreaming

I seem to have spent most of today reflecting. No – not as a mirror reflects but rather thinking back over things that have stuck in my brain for one reason or another that I am unable to determine. It started off this morning when, for no reason, this snippet of William Blake popped into my head.
A robin red breast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.
I used to tie it in with Keats and his Belle Dame
And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is wither’d from the lake,
And no birds sing.
Then there was the old music hall song (and soldiers’ dirty ditty)
Her beauty was sold for an old man's gold,
She's a bird in a gilded cage.
I always used to wonder at this theme of captivity and the conduct of birds. If a robin red breast in a cage were so terrible, why are there song birds who spend their lives in cages. In my youth, Chinese men would have competitions as to whose caged bird could sing the sweetest note. Surely they would not sing if the caging were so dreadful. Why would a woman sell herself for old mans gold if the down-side was captivity – albeit in a gilded cage?.
My day dream continued. The radio reports of voting in Iraq sent me down this track.
And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares that infest the day
Shall fold their tents like Arabs,
And silently steal away.
What was this about referring to Arabs packing their tents and silently stealing away? Anyone who has watched TV over the last few years can have no concept of Arabs doing a lot of silently doing anything. I can understand that a night with music will deal with cares – I have experienced it often when the horrors and hate of the external world are lost in the musical entertainment of a good sergeants’ mess.
This seemed to drag me into another fragment of a semi-learned past –
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But, ah, my foes, and, oh, my friends -
it gives a lovely light.
Together with -
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
No great soul-searching question about either of these. They are sentiments and suggestions I happily accept and, in the past, have adopted as maxims for the way I chose to live my life. There were times when my candle was also lit in the middle. This because I also remember this from that same period -
We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world forever, it seems.
In my time I had been a mover and shaker. Insignificant in a worldly scope, even in a national relativity but in my own small world – certainly.
Just as I sat down to put this gibberish into the wibbly wobbly world, I had two other themes swimming around in that stuff that works as a shock-absorber for the brain. I shall let these soak and see what answers come to the surface. This is almost as good as meditation………….
Is it better to have dreams that will never come to pass, or to have no dreams at all?
and
If you could only have sex once more in your life, when would you do it, with whom, and where?
This is more than just a hypothesis folks.

Google magnet

Autumn seems to have flashed here and gone. The trees went through the yellow to red phase very quickly – I suppose it was a dry summer though it did not seem like that at the time.
I’ve been digging down into my hit counter again. Seems that I got found by Google quite a few times. Mostly for what would seem extreme reasons – “naked girls Scotland” is one that comes to mind. Looks as if one could seed the actual blog with strange choices so as to attract those who look for exotic phrases. I’m going to try with a few so real readers can stop here – what follows is for Google and Co.
Sex. Dogs. Goats. Big fish. Ducks. Partners of disparate sizes. Quadriplegic. Self abuse. Verbal abuse. Big bed. Wet bed. Anally retentive. Marbles. Marbella. List of losers. List of winners. List to starboard.
That is enough for now.

TGIF

Sorry about yesterday's deprivation of wit, scandal and provocative chatter.
Truth is that I went through the whole day in some sort of mixture of trance and complete lack of any sense of motivation or responsibility. It was quite nice really - sort of spaced out. Cannot think what inspired it so it looks as if I'll not be able to get back to it.
I've also been having some really weird dreams. Not the night horrors but ones where two or more situations that I have actually lived through get all mixed up together and I cannot work out what to do - in my dream. Cannot be cheese late at night as I have dumped cheese as part of the idea of eating a little bit more healthily. After the fluttering-heart thing they increased my statin drugs so it might be something to do with that.
Is it only me or does anyone else think we are going over the top a bit with this earthquake thing? Surely we know that an earthquake makes buildings fall down. It is not too much to deduce that if a building falls on top of people, the people suffer. After a while, suffering turns into death. Still we have the TV anchor man running the news from the scene of the disaster and telling us that buildings have fallen and that death have resulted. The exact figures cannot be established but it is difficult to comprehend the sort of disaster they are tring to get across to us. Repitition does not make it easier.

Blank

Well, that's got to be a first. Gone through the whole day without finding anything to blog about.

Not in our back yard!!

This from a Bahraini blogger. Hope it is something I wrote that upset them!

Saudi blocks Blogger and Flickr
Tue, 04 Oct 2005 21:18:56

In a country that is renowned for censorship, I fail to understand why people make it easier for authorities to switch them off. That's truly like putting all your eggs in one single basket.

No wonder really then that the Internet Services Unit, the only internet supplier in Saudi has switched off both popular services, and I really really doubt that they will switch them on again no matter how much entreaties and "pressure" is applied. Saudi is a bit more remote than Mars, so authorities don't give a tinker's cuss what the "world at large" think of them or their practices.

But, in the spirit of applying judicious international pressure in order for someone up there sits up and takes notice, here goes nothing:
Reporters Without Borders today called on the Internet Services Unit (ISU), the agency that manages Web filtering in Saudi Arabia, to explain why the weblog creation and hosting service blogger.com has been made inaccessible since 3 October, preventing Saudi bloggers from updating their blogs.

“Saudi Arabia is one of the countries that censors the Internet the most, but blog services had not until now been affected by the ISU’s filters,” the press freedom organisation said. “The complete blocking of blogger.com, which is one of the biggest blog tools on the market, is extremely worrying. Only China had so far used such an extreme measure to censor the Internet.”

Reached by Reporters Without Borders, the ISU recognised that it had blocked access to blogger.com but did not give any reason.
Reporters sans frontiers
hat tip: Global Voices

Try this?

Your IQ Is 115

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

My dinner party

I think I have discovered a branch of the Government that might be described as a useful asset. Certainly, their PR department works well as it may be a little too soon to assess their actual performance. This probable paragon is The DFID – department for international development. They have been helping out with aid for the South Asian earthquake. All the interviews I have heard figured the Minister Hilary Benn, son of Tony Benn. He obviously reads his brief and gives answers without the usual ministerial guff, waffle and self-glorification. Well done him. I enjoy listening to his father Tony who is able to dredge up something interesting from the past to make or amplify his points but I am not sure about what history will write about Dad’s contribution to the socialist movement. His writings are well worth the time spent on them.
With the time spent driving about with my dog whilst Norma was doing her quilt show thing, I had extra time to think. I usually spend this sort of time planning things I know will never happen or what I would do if I were to win big on the Lottery – something else that will not occur! Once I got past being the only man to survive a shipwreck with a boatload of female film stars, commissioning solicitors to buy the ideal house regardless of whether it were up for sale (send them there with impossibly unreasonable sums of cash in a big suitcase) and having a car, a yacht and a ‘plane individually fitted-out, I got down to my ideal dinner party in my new house. Usual rules about being able to invite anyone, living or dead. Having sorted out the menu, table décor and the wine list, I got down to guests. Norma and me plus eight. Easy bit first – a stone cold banker of an invitation. Sophia Loren. Surely the most beautiful woman around and one who has had a real life and not just some plastic representation. So, that is the lady on my right. Things arranged so that the ladies do not have to withdraw when the men get dirty over their brandy. The males I thought of would be above that sort of thing anyway. There is a place for boasting and rude tales but not at an event of this importance. A second woman would be Eartha Kitt. She had a dreadful start to life and spent much of her time on black emancipation in USA. We here have little idea of what that involved.
The men. My maternal grandfather. He was a warrant officer in the Army in the late 1800s and early 1900s through to the end of the Great War in 1918. Much of his service was abroad on what we would call active service. They were hard times that generated hard men. Next would be my claimed look-alike Orson Welles. He had a dark and brooding presence but a very quick wit.
Rudyard Kipling would have to be there. Not just his story-telling and verse but the fact that he was a very keen observer of our Colonial past and was able to view it from both sides – master and servant.
I was always entranced by Peter Ustinov so he would have to get a seat at the banquet. His range of experiences and skill as a raconteur were unique. I think that the wealth of talents already gathered would need someone to keep them under some form of control. That means Michael Parkinson. Surely the best. Just one place left. I am not sure how this might work but I would like to have one of my great great great grand children there at, say, the age of 25. No demands as to the line of descent. Just to get an insight into the world that far ahead and see how the genes had lasted against dilution.
So, that is it. Quite an early start to things. Drinkies in the ante-room and all that. Gossip afterwards in a warm room with really comfortable club chairs. Continuation of fine wines and incredible cigars. Maybe something short and appropriate to each guest in the way of a film show. Champagne breakfast. Dispersal back to their ethereal and spiritual worlds. Perfection.

New kid on the block

'Hip' journalists and other assorted old farts have been earning their money (huh!) by directing attention to the 'new' phenonama of blogging. If one believes their hype, in a short while half the world will be writing blogs whilst the other half will be reading them. Tell that to the people in Kashmire.
As owner of an iPod (gloat gloat) I have been listening to verbal blogs - podcasts. Whilst - by their name - these are intended for tiny-sized music players, they can be found, downloaded for free and listened to by anyone who can get music onto their hard drive. Originators range from BBC and major enterprises to Shane and Kristel in Kristel's room. Just as with blogs, quality and content covers just about everything in reproductions from abysmal to medium-fi. Rather more so really, to record a podcast requires absolutely no reedin skils, kompasitun or grmmer. Think back to the days of reel to reel or cassette when we first recorded 'Allo - this is me' and were amazed to hear our voice coming back at us.
That said, I have spent some time in podcast central. Anything you find can be downloaded for posterity. Rather like panning for gold I suspect. 5 drams gold in 10 tons dross used to be thought profitable; it seems that the recovery ratio is about the same for podcasts.
So - instead of worrying if the plod will be able to recover your porn site visits, get ahead of the game and be able to sneer when in a year's time you read 'podcasts take off'. They already have and are halfway to Mars.

Berufstätige Frau

I have been watching with interest the outcome of the German elections. Seems to me that what they have got is a bit of a curates egg. Both major parties said in the run up to election just what they would do if elected. Now, hardly any of their promises will be kept as both sides will have to compromise now that they are trying to work in harness. It could easily degenerate into a Punch & Judy show.
I had expected to see more inventiveness. They could have put the Chancellor contenders to a real test of performance. Instal one in the old Eastern zone and the other in what used to be the Western. Whoever achieved the best results in, say, nine months gets the job as overall Boss. Best could be decided in percentage terms of - say - reducing unemployment, lifting GDP and other markers of German efficiency.
I am available as a consultant.

What your computer does at night

Don't suppose my machine is very much different from the standard but one thing that really pishes me off is leaving it running perfectly well at night and then coming to it next day to find it all buggered.
Maybe it is because of this?

Bloody cheek!

Have just about calmed down enough to write this.
Norma was on the third day of her Quilt Show today so we were left on our own. Rather than mope about all day indoors we went out for the day. We found ourselves in North Berwick at just about 'late lunch' time. Too late to go for a sit down meal where all that would be available would be something that had been festering in the bain marie since dawn so we decided upon the chippy.
I got a large portion and went back to the car. I sat in the load space and Sable sat alongside me. I used one hand as a plate. She would pick out something to eat and then I would choose something. All very organised and civil.
A marshmellow-shape woman walked past and stopped to watch us sharing our meal. She then said, "Giving a dog human food! Don't you know that there are thousands of people starving?"
At least one thousand retorts ran through my mind in less than a second. All but one contained the f-word and the c-word in quantities. I satisfied myself by replying that I most assuredly would not feed my dog on dog food.
This story will really only be appreciated by those who know me and my qualities of charm and tact but all readers should be assured that I shall remember the woman's face and just hope I meet her again in the area of some road-kill that I might offer her for her starving friends.

That's OK then

Tomorrow the M(ental) P(atients)s go back to the asylum after their long long holiday. To me, it says a lot that the country has functioned quite well during their absence. Off blagging with their Big Business mates scoring free holidays and, doubtless, female researchers-to-be.
Seems that the major ideas in their collective brain boxes will be two supposedly main new sets of legislation allegedly concerned with anti-terrorism. ID Cards. Detention without charge for up to 90 days. The civil libertarians are against both measures on the claimed grounds that they interfere with our personal freedoms.
The ID case strikes me as especially weak. We have to have one. We do not have to carry it at all times. No one seems too sure as to when we will be asked to produce it or what circumstances will permit the police to hold onto someone until their identity is proven. So, not having one does not lead to draconian treatment. Given the large number of moonlighters and illegal immigrants who cannot be traced for deportation one can expect that a large number of people will not bother with an ID card. The first few caught and detained will inevitably consist of some who pose absolutely no threat and we will have all the publicity about "£10,00 spent detaining man who let dog off lead in park" There are supposed to be sophisticated anti-forgery measures. If someone has worked out how to implement these, within a very short time someone will have found a way to circumvent them as part of a lucrative trade in forgeries. We are told that identity theft is a major crime. How many valid ID cards will be issued to persons with a false identity?
I heard a lot of hot air on this week's Question Time about the 90 days detention. The talking heads were against it with exception of one who said it should be 100 and 90 days. Noone gave the obvious reason as to why we should allow for the detention. If the police want it in fighting terrorism, that should suffice. It is a bit like telling a PC to arrest a violent drunk but barring him using hand-cuffs, baton or police holds. The 90 days is basically needed to check out documentation which is notoriously tedious work requiring very painstaking efforts. The fact that someone came to police attention meriting arrest justifies the deprival of liberty. If they get it wrong - sue them.

Response

Well, that's a very dramatic response. I'm overwhelmed. Cannot be many places where one can write just about anything that will appear in public and yet no one gives a toss.

Be warned

My blog has a counter. It certainly will not wear out from recording visits if I am to set visits against comments left. Actually, I am not very impressed with the mechanics behind the clicks. It claimed that a nice retired teacher in Welsh Wales was living very nearly as a Russian school hostage taker halfway across the world.
So, I'm going to see if the counter is a valued asset or just a waste of bandwidth (Whatever that means but it seems a very fashionable phrase right now). I wasted some time working out what might attract comments - that photograph of me naked on a lambskin rug perhaps? Spot the difference in a photo of me standing next to King Farouk? Sophia Loren with the sun behind her?
After much time, I realised the truth in that I was looking in the wrong direction. Instead of showing the dimples in my behind, my unsatisfactory attempt at a Muslim moustache or the perfect Body, I needed to provoke people. In this day and age, easy peasy.
So, watch out. Bar the children, get dark glasses and hide the cat in a flower vase. I am working on the repulsion blog to end all repulsion blogs. I shall pose as a gay male with a occasional lesbian personality shift. Stories of haunting childrens' playgrounds with my camera. My powerful binoculars and sixth-form girls on the way home from school in their black tights. Torture of cats and dogs. Lighting bonfires in neighbour's gardens at midnight whilst the washing is still hanging out. Abusing the minimal shelter of telephone boxes for all of my needs and desires. Advising teenagers that bodily fluids are good for spots and pimples.
And that is just the negative side. I shall write in support of wind farms in rural areas of great beauty. Insist that all pigs be destroyed because they offend our Muslim brothers. Set up a Pram Police to arrest and detain those who admire and go coo coo at babies. Big Brother on all TV channels. Wife Swap to be mandatory.
My goodness - I'm beginning to enjoy even the planning.
Remember, it is only your comments that will dissuade me. You might even suggest other topics for my Repulsive Blog.
You have been warned.
This is not a drill.

Useful stuff

The way this world seems to be going, you may one day be very glad I showed you the way to this skill. Note there is further information at the bottom of the page for those of you interested in what bears do in the woods.

Used to

I don’t feel exhaustion
Like I did before
Instead of pushing through it
I crumble to the floor

I used to be the master
Of a thousand sleepless nights
But now I am the servant
To the disappearing lights

I used to think my body
Was impervious to pain
Now my heartbeat thunders
Underneath demanding strain

I used to think that temperance
Was only for the weak
But those who crave dependence
Know of which I speak

I used to be immortal
And death I did not fear
Now I feel her shadow
As she whispers in my ear

Now my life it teeters
On a stack of vertigo
Just waiting for disaster
To kick out the bottom row