Would you pay for this?

Make no mistake about what follows. It is not my own work. Well, I suppose in a sort of way it is. I paid to get it. It is behind a paywall of the Times. I disagree with this new idea and publish this in this manner to see what happens.

The historian Michael Howard noted that “the important thing when you are going to do something brave is to have someone on hand to witness it”.

At a recent bullfight, the Mexican matador Christian Hernandez stood before thousands of witnesses but when a half-tonne bull was released into the ring, Hernandez ran away and was eventually arrested for cowardice and “breach of contract”.

In Mexico City, bullfighting - the corrida de toros - makes heavy demands of the bullfighter. In Spain it’s illegal for anyone under 16 to become a bullfighter but in Mexico children as young as ten enter the ring without any worry that a squad of health and safety inspectors will screech up in siren-blaring cars.

Hernandez initially confronted the large bull at the Plaza Mexico but then had second thoughts. The nervous matador dropped his cape, fled to the edge of the ring and dived over the wall.
If he thought the bull was frightening he hadn’t bargained for the reaction of his managers and the bullfight organisers – they were livid and after a short while with them he re-entered the ring.

He fled again, though, just as swiftly. Opting for barbed reviews in preference to impalement on horns he jumped back over the wall into the crowd. Explaining his retreat, the 22-year-old novice bullfighter said: “I did not have the balls.”

Oddly, though, while that is now true for some of his savagely injured matador confreres, the anatomical disclaimer isn’t true for Hernandez as he leaves the corrida in tact.

In most jurisdictions, neither cowardice nor breach of contract is a criminal offence but in Mexico the police, under guidance from the bullfight organisers, gouged Hernandez with both those legal horns. He has since paid a fine and further proceedings have been dropped. This isn’t the first bizarre bovine case to arise in contract law. One case began as fiction but ended up as fact. In 1967, BBC television broadcast a drama about the fictional case Board of Inland Revenue v Haddock – “the case of the negotiable cow”. Angry at the way he’d been treated by the tax authorities, Albert Haddock, a character invented by A. P.Herbert in 1924, tried to settle his tax by writing a £57 cheque on the side of a cow and leading the animal to the office of the Collector of Taxes.

A few weeks after the programme, an American paper, the Memphis Press-Scimitar, published an article headed “A Check Can Be Written on a Cow”. Without reference to the BBC or A. P. Herbert’s story, the article recited the case as a real precedent from “19th century English law”. The case was later referred to in American legal writing.

In court, Albert Haddock argued that cheques written on napkins and wine labels had been successfully drawn on banks. So, he said, his instructions to his bank stencilled in red on the side of a white cow were legal. He won his case having argued there were in his account “sufficient funds to meet the cow” and that if the tax collectors didn’t like it they could “do the other thing”.

It can be done

See, it can be done. They have done it before. The earth did not stop in its tracks. The sun came up next morning.

So, for Christ's sake Obama - do it again. Do it now.

Oh Doctor - I'm in trouble

A programme of dramatic change, promising to free the English health service from bureaucracy, put family doctors in the driving seat and hand power to patients was disclosed by Andrew Lansley, the Health Secretary

The health white paper opens the door to the comprehensive privatisation of healthcare and the end of the NHS as a national service. If the plans are taken to their logical conclusion, by 2015 the NHS will be little more than a brand. From a major public service with a million employees, it will have become a central fund with a minimal workforce, commissioning services from a string of private companies in a fully-fledged healthcare market.

I was involved in outsourcing facilities and services for a couple of the large London Health Trusts. It was a very easy way for my employer to make considerable profit. The specifications of the work and services to be undertaken were extremely loosely drafted; it seemed as if the drafter had no idea of what was being done by the directly employed personnel. Those who tendered were able to meet the demands by doing little more than reducing the levels of service. Just what is this driving seat that doctors will occupy? If what they want to prescribe is not included in the outsource documentation it will be charged as a one-off extra. That is where already juicy profit becomes exorbitant blackmail.

What power will be handed to patients? They cannot know what they actually require and will make choices on recommendations made to them. The best presenter gets the work so all the tricks of salesmanship will come into play. What if the desired treatment or drug is not available in this country? The existing organisation NICE is castigated for some of its decisions but it does ensure that there is some sense in drug procurement and dispensing. Just what will it take to convince the patient with his new found driving opportunities to accept 'Sorry. This bus not in Service' They will soon find out that cheaper equals inferior.

Why should anyone worry who provides healthcare? Because the weight of evidence is that private markets in health bring exorbitant administrative costs, lead to cherry-picking of the more profitable patients, increase inequity and the postcode lottery gap, generate conflicts of interest, are unaccountable, and increase pressure for top-up payments and "care package" limits.

No wonder the government is already ditching patient rights over GP and hospital appointments, and David Cameron was dithering yesterday about whether to maintain the right for cancer patients to see a specialist within a fortnight. The prime minister also struggled to explain why this upheaval in the NHS would avoid the increased costs that has attended every other reform.

He may think that costs will be reduced where NHS staff who end up being employed by the new foundation trusts or private companies have their pay slashed. There used to be protection for such employees who were guaranteed the offer of employment by the contractor at rates no lower than they were paid by NHS. I have seen nothing about this transfer of undertakings legislation being abandoned.

When it comes to spin and honeyed words, the Cameron-Clegg show is already putting Tony Blair and Peter Mandelson in the shade. However extreme or cock-eyed the policy, from savage benefit cuts for the poorest to the chaotic scrapping of school building projects, a gentle gloss or a winning apology from a coalition front-man and critics go weak at the knees.

Sound the retreat

The deaths yesterday at the hands of a so-called ally in Afghanistan should mark a turning point.

We went into the country looking for one man; some sort of criminal mastermind. No one seems to have foreseen that it was like finding a non-existent needle in a million haystacks. Only the land of the avenging cowboy posse could ever have thought it would succeed. No one gave heed to his associates and how we might deal with them and what the locals might think about what seemed like an invasion from a foreign power. Foreign in every way possible. Religion, life style and values, resources - everything.

When the arch-criminal was not found, the cowboy in the white hat decided that more was necessary and the fiction that we were fighting to save the world was invented. Never again a terrorist attack on American soil. Fight them in Afghanistan and not in London. How short-sighted was that? We have now spread the infection to Pakistan, Somalia and the Yemen for sure and, potentially, any country where religion can be used as a basis for gaining a following.

So, when it proved we could not inflict a military defeat on what was not human but a belief, we decided that we needed to change the country. Show them a better way. Democracy. Mom's apple pie and cream. We ignored the facts of history that so clearly showed that change would be resisted and forestalled.

The fact that the murders involved a Gurkha unit showed just how little perception we have. The story-tale writers of PR land told us that there was a special rapport between these two Nations of hillsmen. Well, Private Abdul of the 1st Sangin Irregulars certainly blew that apart with his cowardly actions yesterday. The long history of inter-tribal, even compound vs compound, disputes was not learned. There can be no trusting of the Afghan. Not his fault really any more than one could blame a lion killing you if you climb into it's cage.
We have tried to find a way out that preserves some national dignity. Why? I do not know. Our allies will sympathise with us anyway and our enemies will think what they choose to think. We have done too much harm already to think of reconciliation. The talk is of military solutions. That again is a nonsense. It matters almost nothing at all what General we put in charge. The US President is in charge and the General does as he is told - or 'resigns'.

The delaying tactic advanced is that we will go when we have trained enough locals to defend themselves and control the country. What tosh! The claim is that there are 120,000 military and a significant number of police. Problem is that the vetting is rubbish, the raw product is likely to be corrupt, drug-using and illiterate likely to run away as soon as the sores on his feet from wearing boots have healed. With him will go his rifle and ammunition.

He will inspire others of his ilk to come down out of the hills and cash in as he did. The writers of Alice in Afghanland claim that these new model Army soldiers and Policemen will be very effective but those who actually know the place talk of inter-tribal rivalries and war lord militia. I hesitate to begin to work out how an illiterate policeman operates anyway. Surely we have at least conned a few of the 120,000 to stay - why cannot training of reinforcements be assigned to them? That lets us off the hook of training a constantly shrinking mob of corrupt and illiterate junkies.

It is not as if it is going to work anyway. The same principles were applied in Iraq and the Yanks say they can go. Things are far from right there. We have a long colonial history of waiting for a seeming truce and then dashing off to the docks and home. Those we leave in 'power' are soon overthrown or reach new heights of corruption and oppression. Blair claimed we had peace in Northern Ireland - wonder if he was watching the TV reports last night?

Even if we were to believe the 'fight them there and not here' bull, it would make little change. Our government is stupid when it suits them but even they would see that we cannot risk altering our anti-terrorist stance here in UK. Making weapons of destruction is simple and there are plenty of willing martyrs on the streets of Birminghamstan.

No - it is not just a question of us having a tiger by the tail. We are holding onto this tiger in a cage full of equally dangerous tigers and there are more tails than there are willing hands.

I realise it is easy to criticise without offering an alternative. So - we come out of Afghanistan. Make much of the fact that it is a proud nation and capable of determining its own destiny. Blah Blah Blah. Recognise that we cannot really determine what goes on there and in fellow Nations/co-religionists. Make a proper appreciation of what is needed for internal defence of our own country and set that up.

If someone can really prove that ID cards, 42 day detention, rules that let us determine what sort of ragtail bobtail foreigners we allow in and any other rule - however seemingly undemocratic and human-rights limiting this may all seem - will make this a safe place then put them into force. The message should be that we will leave you alone unless you seek to do us harm but, should you change your attitude, we will come down like a ton of bricks on your bases. Your communities in UK and in your homeland. Little point in being a nuclear power and not using the full weight of what that means.

Reality of death

Some very chilling photographs from a independent reporter.
I am not too sure about this level of disclosure of what goes on. I have seen what high explosive does to human tissue and when I hear that x people were killed by a suicide bomber I have no need to see what it was like. I cannot see what it would add to anyone who has had a more sheltered life; wanting to view photographs as included in this guy's blog strikes me as in some way sick or disturbed. A morbid curiosity.
The other aspect is that these might be seen by someone who has a husband or son in a war zone. They can do nothing but add to the apprehension and concern. Another opinion is that, sadly, the populace, in general, have become desensitised to images of dead and dismembered, thanks in part to gory video games, films and such like. A great many people find it hard to relate the real images to reality, as opposed to the special effects that are so often used in entertainment.
A common criticism or argument used about the violence so prevalent in society is this de-sensitisation, and the fact that young people have difficulty in distinguishing between what is real and what is not. Think of the war in Vietnam which also illustrates a counter argument for showing these images. The intrusion by the nightly news into the comfortable life of Americans and the regular film of body bags, wounded and dying soldiers was credited with eroding the will of the people, and congress over the war. This was, in effect, the first war fought in the full glare of the media spotlight, thanks to the modernisation of broadcasting techniques and technical advancements, and the images in full colour and sound had the effect of destroying the myths that had previously surrounded the forces fighting abilities. No doubt at all, it is a double edged sword. On the one hand, it is to the benefit of the coalition to show their successes, but detrimental to show the dead and wounded from our own side.
If not sure you want to explore the post, try yourself on the image at the start of this post. If it offends or disturbs, don't hit the link.

Tales of a life

Our local paper has a feature where they reprint items of news from 25, 50 and 100 years ago. This is from the section dealing with 1905:

“In a report on the health of Berwickshire, Mr. McCrae, sanitary inspector, forwarded his observations on the change in dietary which has in recent years been largely adopted by the working classes, wherein tea and white bread form so large a portion of the daily ration, to the exclusion of other articles of diet so much more nourishing and better suited to build up the muscle and sinew of the physically healthy race we ought to have in a country such as this. At our annual hiring fairs it is only in reduced numbers that we see the type of man for which the Merse was so famous. Bad teeth, nervous eyes, pale faces are everywhere in evidence. We have given up beer and taken to whisky; we have given up milk and taken to tea.”

So, ladies, if you want your S/O to be hunky and chunky – take note of the perils of white bread and tea. Also interesting that even so far back as 100 years ago people were lecturing others regarding their diet. Mind you, Nigella does it so much better!

I have been testing the provisions of the Data Protection act where one is able to ask an organisation for copies of your records that they may have on file. It is free. I asked the Army for my history files. They turned up this morning and it is amazing what detail they contain. The Army had a bad habit of circulating little billet-douz and did not always reveal these to the subject. I find that people I didn’t trust were not so bad after all. I had quite forgotten glandular fever in 1954. Sadly, there seems to be nothing there on which to base some compensation claim. It will add to the files I keep here and maybe one day some yet to be born great-great-grandson will write a book about me. Most of it is done actually as I wrote my own and it is there in the archives.

Great consternation on the local beach this morning. The air ambulance helicopter lands on a small hill just amongst the dunes. It is also right alongside the Nth hole of a golf club. Two ladies of a certain age were doing whatever one does at a hole as the chopper approached. The rotor downdraught blew woolly bonnet off head of one aged dame. Whether they were scared about proximity of this large and noisy item or were trying to garner up the hat I don’t know but they started dashing about in circles with kilts blowing and arms waving. The chopper had to withdraw and let them settle down. I suppose they may have thought it was a bird and were trying to throw bread to it?

Feeling a bit bullish today. I think I might try a small joke.

Young girl gets job in factory where they make children's toys and dolls. Main product is a doll called Tommy Tickle. Tommy is his name and Tickle is because when tickled he laughs and waves his arms. She starts in the area where they check the Tommy Tickle dolls before packing them in boxes for despatch. After a few hours, the foreman goes to the Personnel officer and asks for his help. The new employee is delaying the whole production line.

They go to the test area. The girl has a needle and thread and some material. She makes a small bag from the cloth and inserts two rice seeds before sewing the material to the doll. "What are you doing?" says the HR guy. "What you told me" she says

The manager thinks for a moment and then, laughing, says, "I told you to give Tommy two test tickles!"

Dear Diary

“What sort of diary should I like mine to be? Something loose knit and yet not slovenly; so elastic that it will embrace anything, solemn, slight or beautiful that comes into my mind. I should like it to resemble some deep old desk, or capacious hold-all, in which one flings a mass of odds and ends without looking them through. I should like to come back, after a year or two, and find that the collection had sorted itself and refined itself and coalesced, as such deposits so mysteriously do, into a mould, transparent enough to reflect the light of our life, and yet steady, tranquil compounds with the aloofness of a work of art. The main requisite, I think on re-reading my old volumes, is not to play the part of censor, but to write as the mood comes or of anything whatever; sine I was curious to find how I went for things put in haphazard, and found the significance to lie where I never saw it at the time.”

Virginia Woolf 1919

Well that seems to sum it up quite well for me. I was reading VW but aware that I should start to get on with my bit of ‘something loose knit’ when I came across the writing above. Ah! Inspiration, or, as we say today, A Mission Statement. Nothing can be said to have been properly undertaken unless the MS has been defined, refined, tuned, parsed and then stated in letters of fire in the work cells of all involved. What rubbish – but the funny thing is I can still write about MS even after all these years of retirement. Perhaps we could all work until we are 70 after all.

The ‘what happens next’ theme of the past couple of days has been replaced by the ‘what happened then’ of the day when the 1939-1945 war in Europe ended. I have very clear and copious recollection of then that I doubt would be with me in 2065 about the last Election should I live until then. I don’t like that last sentence – something grammatically wrong somewhere. Still, in furtherance of the MS, I fling it in without looking it through. In May 1945, I was at the thick end of eleven years old; my twelfth birthday not coming until August. The actual day of the German surrender was sketched in with the radio reports; there were no TV transmissions. We had quite a few military camps around us and apparently Romford was quite hectic.

My first bit of ‘post-war’ was the VE Day street party when all the kids had a slap up meal in a big marquee at the top of Tudor Drive. I have a photo taken then. I’m at the forefront of the long table. Much Brylcreem in evidence, a smart jacket – Dunns maybe? And collar and tie – properly buttoned up. My father had long had a 56 pound tin of corned beef as a reserve in the event of invasion by Germans. This was donated to the party. We had large quantities of chocolate and fizzy drinks. A piano had been manoeuvred into the street and games and dancing ensued.

Another thing that is in my mind concerned the black-out. It had long been mandatory, punished by fine and often imprisonment, to have any exterior lighting or interior lights shining through thick curtains or board screens. On the night of the party this was all ignored. Every house had every light on, no drawn curtains, front and back doors open. After all the years of total darkness, this was something that has proved very memorable.

That is enough of 60 years ago. Not my recollection – that is very full but enough for this time and place.

Driving back today we passed a field where they were sowing potatoes. Well, no, not actually past. I was so amazed at all the machinery in the field that I parked up and had a quick peep over the hedge. When I was a farm worker – part time only thank goodness – back in the late 40s and early 50s, potato sowing was a simple thing. Two horses, a cart and a seed box really. What I saw today was machinery that dug the trench, dropped the spuds and banked up the furrow afterwards. There were low loaders with more seed ‘taters and some specialised machinery that was not in use whilst I watched. All this of course is basically down to the introduction of very large fields – almost prairie – which allows efficient mechanisation. My days of doing it we had five or ten acre fields and it took a while to deal with them. Losing the horses was a blow. They could be controlled by word of mouth almost as much as through the tack. I never did any tractor driving on the farm but I could handle horses well. Some of the old horse men did not bother with the change to tractors but went into other work on the land. The work I saw in progress today was obviously carried out by contractors as only a massive farm could afford the specialised equipment that would only be lightly used. That again must cause scheduling problems as no farmer likes putting heavy machinery on really wet land.

Can we call this progress?

Better than a hound kill?

I cannot believe that a lingering death such as this fox experienced is better than a quick chomp across the rib cage from a well motivated hound. Those who can attribute human senses and feelings to a wild animal and say that a hound kill inflicts terror and pain might care to explain why this vermin had to suffer from the shock of a bullet and the lingering pain whilst life ebbed slowly away.

Thought for the day

The Four Noble Truths.

During today, I had cause to reflect on the 4 Noble Truths which lie at the heart of Buddhist belief. Never mind why I went back to them. However, they gave me some benefit. I reproduce them below - with some explnation - on the off-chance that they strike a chord or response in anyone who reads this. You may need to go through the explanations more than once. Parrot fashion understanding is not required. The ideal would to remember the 4 Noble Truths themselves and then reflect on what they say to you.

The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

---

1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardor, pursue of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

Business Light

I have just been watching the debate on The Politics Show about the forthcoming (two years away) Mayoral election. Livingstone was there with Oona King. They had to have a bit of a go at each other - traditional Socialist blame someone else policies. What came across was that this very large responsibility was run as a political fiefdom. The council was led to deal with whatever was the popular talking point of the time. Knife crime? Oh yes - lets drop everything and deal with that. Transport? Off we go and sort that out. They may have had some defined plan of action (manifesto?) in the run up to the election but it seems that was thrown to one side once the election was won.

This line of thought took me to comparing things in the way London was ruled with processes on the wider stage. Our National government gets distracted by things - like some sort of Magpie confronted by shiny gewgaw. Short term advantage - go! Score points over opposition - we're off. A lack of anything that seemed planning. In this, they are supported by the fact that the document we had to rely upon was a Manifesto that was imprecise in the
extreme and only touched on matters that they were comfortable to debate and where the Party Line for answers was firmly in place.

No private company would or could function in this manner. The policies and ethos would be enshrined in manuals and Lord help anyone who failed to take them into consideration. The CEO and his cohorts would have a list of aims and things to be accomplished. Maybe something as simple as 'produce 1 million widgets and make a profit of 7% from selling those' As complex as 'establish a presence in China'. They are supervised internally in respect of costs and marketing and manufacture and externally by the regulating authorities and shareholders. Do the job or 'consider your future' memoranda arrive.

I arrived in commerce quite aged at 42 and was appointed to a fairly senior post within the premises and services administration area. This was luck really, my c.v. arrived in HR at the same time as a report from an external management advisory group recommended the post be filled by a senior Army retiree. I made the point at interview that my lack of private industry was not significant. In those days, the general would say 'I want to be at the top of that hill by tonight' and stroll away. Those below him would decide who and how many would be needed. The colonels of the battalions would depute companies A,B and Support to undertake the task and the company commanders delegated responsibilities such that the prime mover - the poor bloody infantryman - was told to get out of bed at 0'dark hours and line up ready to go. From general downwards, all knew that what had to be done was feasible and, short of a disaster of Somme proportions, would be done in the spirit of can do/do or die. I ran my department on military lines (less a bit of the f'ing and barring) and my annual assessments were fine so it must have worked - for the bosses and my staff.

So, why cannot we have a government set up the same way? They may say that quangos fill some positions but they are politically composed. All actions are subservient to political imperatives and the best solution is not always the one adopted. The public is excluded from any decision once they have passed through the sheepublic process of the election. We in positions closely akin to shareholders have no real recourse when we see things going astray. Just think, when were you personally ever asked - for example - how much financial aid we should give to a country that seems to have great resources already?When was anyone you know asked the same question? Have you ever been asked for an opinion on overseas aid of any form?

So, it seems that our present style of running a country is far from ideal? How likely is it that we would ever be asked for an opinion on this? Surely, the extremely unlikely supposition of either is it's own answer.

Tally ho!

The incident that ended at Rothbury in the early hours of today was really only the expected result. Mentally, Moat was a thin shell waiting to crack. The police had a serious array of expertise and the necessary assets so that they were able to watch and wait for the public appearance of a man who was seeking publicity. Lest this all sound dismissive, I think they did a very good job handling the incident. The public and media were kept well advised of what was happening and were given opportunities to question those directly in charge of the case with no police PR interference.

There were mistakes made but these were of detail only; the media will try and set hares running. However, it would make sense for some detailed internal scrutiny to be undertaken. We have had armed stand-offs with hostages involved. I think mainly of Spaghetti House and Balcombe Street. The first related to criminal action whilst Balcombe Street was an IRA-related event. In both, watch and wait was the ingredient that got the hostages out alive and those responsible arrested alive and well. The surrender at Balcombe Street followed release of plans to pas the matter over to SAS. The siege at the Iranian Embassy was a different matter; the building was attacked by SAS. Hostages were killed as part of the negotiations and all of the intruders bar one ended up dead. There was much at the time to indicate his survival was a mistake; he hid amongst female hostages and left the premises with them. SAS and other special forces figured in most of the hostage situations after the Embassy affair and an almost common factor was the absence of negotiation and the deaths of the hostage takers. When this certain death aspect was queried the explanation most often given was that any survivor would have been able to reveal the tactics of the military. This seemed to be an Israeli philosophy as in Mossad actions at Entebbe.

This difference in style between Police and Army will become relevant once we pull out of Afghanistan. Our government - coalition and opposition - claim that we will not leave until there is no risk of Islamic terrorists returning to our streets here in UK. Political expedience could lead to our using it as a reason to withdraw before that situation were true. There is also the possibility that the forces we put in place will not be up to the job and allow some terror organisation to base themselves there and fight here. It is, of course, open to the Taliban or al Qaeda to attack from some other Muslim country in the Middle East. Dealing with any siege or making arrests of the sort of member of those organisations would be a very different kettle of fish to the Spaghetti House/Balcombe Street situation.

CO19 would be prime movers in anything like a police-led solution. They supplied officers and equipment to the Rothbury investigators who were also reinforced by some heavyweight specialists in dealing with counter-terrorism. Indeed, a cynic could say that the Home Office used Rothbury as a real live exercise to test tactics and assets. It might be significant that there was no mention of SAS being added to the equation. SAS do not 'do' police and rely upon first class military skills in any confrontation. The Government were maybe not keen to have their shock troops committed in the light of public reaction to the killing of the Brazilian and so soon after release of a critical Saville Report. The Brazilian on the Tube demonstrated that the Met police were quite capable of killing but had problems in the back office and the work of Gold and Silver Commanders. It is an area where the rank and file would not like to go as evidenced by their rejection of a proposal to arm all officers all of the time. The general public seem not to like strong arm policing but tolerate the same from the special forces.The reaction to the ambushes in Gibraltar could have been much more critical and such as leaks out from what they do in Afghanistan is seen being part of an all is fair in love and war philosophy.

So, if there was any element of rehearsal or training in Rothbury that is all to the good. It is unlikely that police would want to pass their role to SAS and there is no great indication that SAS would welcome any joint operation.

For whom the bell tolls

Hemingway commented when he quoted from John Donne’s Meditation XVII, “No man is an Island, entire of itself." Ernest evokes the reality of the human condition. None of us, in spite of what we may believe, or have been told, is ever alone. In turn, Donne's opinion follows upon his better known assertion "Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind."

This illustrates just how far I personally have withdrawn from what one may think of as the norm. We have just had one of those flashes of media outrage at what we were told was to be the fate of an Iranian woman. Stoned to death. The great and the good, along with I suspect, may plain old attention whores dropped their knitting and rushed to the barricades. It had an effect as Iran was forced into making a statement that stoning did not figure in the list of acceptable ways of killing recognised by Islam. That in itself is a chilling statement. How does a merciful God endorse killing in his name? I must restraining myself here - I cannot accept the doctrine that whatever happens is the will of some Deity and is intended as a cross to be borne.

The world spoke out against the barbaric sentence for an Iranian woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery, and it seems Iran has listened.

"She will not be executed by stoning punishment," the Iranian embassy said in a statement to London's Channel 4 news Thursday, commenting on reports that Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani would be stoned to death for "illicit relationships" conducted after the death of her husband. The embassy claims that, despite international reports, the violent punishment was never actually on the table. "This mission denies the false news aired in this respect," the embassy said in the statement. The Embassy of the Islamic Republic of Iran highly recommends that news and reports should not be taken for granted and considered a reliable source of information for official statements or misjudgements"

But it is not clear whether they have lifted the death sentence on a woman who has been in prison in Tabriz since 2006. The 43-year-old had already been punished with flogging for an "illicit relationship" outside marriage when another court tried her for adultery. There again, a strange concept as other reports claim that her husband was dead at the time she went over the side. I happily accepted 'till death us do part' but a prohibition such as Iran's would have troubled me.

My feeling of isolation arises from the fact that I cannot find anything incredibly wrong with the situation that the woman was to die in the barbaric way that had been rumoured. The death - Yes. The manner of her departure - No. We cannot know how many 43 year old women die every day in this world. There is famine, fatal illness, other forms of honour killing and just plain old vanilla deaths from violence or neglect. Every one of those deaths is as significant to the about-to-die and her friends and relatives but no one speaks for them. I cannot do anything for them other than give a passing few minutes of reflection as are taken by writing this blog. Just what would that do for her? What impact does it have on her and her executioners that I find myself unable to campaign on her behalf and in aid of the hundreds who depart in the same unjustified and cruel manner.

Maybe I am an island? But there is another possibility - "If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away" I have to console myself with the drum idea as I cannot face the possibility that my milk of human kindness has turned sour or that I have emptied the jug.

Laughter is the best defence

What we need is more of this. We defeated Hitler by referring to his testicular deficiency. Washing on the Seigfried Line was amusing and a general air of Laugh rather Than Cry got us through.

Any self-respecting soldier will have a stock of funny but amusing ditties. They may be in need of updating from the concept that Queen Farida was pleasured by dogs but the same concept would apply.

Way way back I had to work out what to do about a crowd of young Worthy Oriental Gentlemen who deemed it funny to expose themselves to the bus taking the WRAC clerks and secretaries into work each morning. A quick evening's class in colloquial Arabic and the next morning, instead of slowing, the driver stopped. The exhibition was given but this time the females all cried out such as observations as 'midget dick' 'tiny tiny boy' and 'Try it on your sister' whilst wiggling their little fingers. Never saw the lads again.

Run rabbit run

A change in the way that the war in Afghanistan is fought could be on the way.

The new commander of US-led forces in Afghanistan, Gen David Petraeus, is suggesting that he will review the rules of engagement. Some troops have complained that the restraints, which curb the use of air power and heavy weapons if Afghan civilians are at risk, are putting Western forces in greater danger. They also, it is claimed, make it harder to defeat the Taliban.

The phrase that seems to occur often is 'self-defence' as a criteria for the use of force. No mention of aggression then? It is very clear that a large number of the people of Afghanistan do not want us there such that persuasion achieves little. Certainly not much that lasts as our forces deploy to another location and the Taliban tide washes back in. If we want change, we will have to make it compulsory and find a mechanism of making it permanent. That is never going to be achieved by 'self-defence' where out enemy has the initiative and plays the game by their rules.

If the powers that be really held the self-defence opinion then our tactic is very simple indeed. Withdraw completely and re-form back in England. No risk of any confrontation where one of our units does a Bloody Sunday in some fly-ridden compound. Those with the animus to continue the dispute would need to travel here. We are on a much better wicket. Any incomer would - marginally I agree - stand out as being of a particular ethnicity. Maybe we should be enforcing the dress for them of hair covered and white dish dasha robes?

Our intelligence would have the benefit of many more eyes. Neighbourhood Watch par excellence. Proper roads inhibit placement of IED. Savings in the supply train reduction. Also, a much stronger moral justification where attacker deliberately comes to us to cause us harm; why then complain when sent off to the land of the transvestite virgins?

Also, it is still self-defence regardless of where the assailant is based. Whether they come from Afghanistan, Somalia, Yemen or any other Mad Mullah dependency is all the same to us.

Yep - more I think about it, the more I like it. Instead of a Glorious Twelfth for birds we could declare an open season for extremist fundamentalists. Sell tickets - whole new world of environmentally friendly hunting so old Foxy could rest in peace.

Bang Bang to rights

Once again we have a dangerous and armed criminal loose in the community. Already, one murder and serious injuries.It seems that the killer was motivated by his girl friend's association with a police officer - the dead man - and has transferred his hatred to all policemen as evidenced by his attack on the uniformed patrol.

A likely outcome will be repeated calls for all of our police to be armed when on duty. Events in Cumbrian could well add to that debate. The last major debate was back in 2005 when a female police officer was shot whilst on duty. The general public seem to accept officers having firearms, think of our airports and the situation in Northern Ireland. However, the officers themselves rejected the idea with a majority of over 80% not wishing to be armed. They hold that the existing special units can do all that is required and they do not wish to do anything that destroys the image that policing is done by consent and not armed force.

That is a nice cosy view of the way things are. However, it does not cover the situation where someone suddenly runs amok in clear rejection of the consent idea. I wish my police to be in a position to protect me. If some disturbed individual is intent on doing me harm, I am not prepared to tell him to hold off or rely upon his good nature or forbearance. I am all for Newton's Law that that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction - if he wishes to open fire then a PC must be immediately available to react.

I care not for any law officer's wish. He is there to maintain law and order and if he is not prepared to be trained in the use of firearms and to then carry a weapon then he has no place in a police force. The idea of consent seems to be overlooked when it comes to their latest iteration of the wooden baton. The asp is quite capable of causing death. The same outcome may occur where Taser weapons are deployed. Even the cs gas spray can be dangerous and is not indicative of policing by consent.

The will be some who say that arming the police will result in the criminals upping their game and taking weapons with them of their illegal actions. The fact that the latest offender was able to obtain a deadly weapon within hours of release from prison shows our gun control is weak. Knives are very easily available so just what extra risk there could be cannot be established. To me, the reaction is immaterial - if Bill Sykes chooses to be armed then he has signed on for swift retribution in the event he uses it.

Spending unaided

"A study carried out by the Department for International Development (DFID) found that a quarter of its projects do not "achieve" or even "largely achieve" their aims – even by the assessment of staff involved in the schemes.

The result will pile further pressure on ministers to find savings from the ministry, which is one of just two in Whitehall to have its budget "ring fenced" – protected from swingeing cuts of up to 40 per cent to be introduced elsewhere across the Government. Currently £7.3 billion goes to fund DFID every year and the Coalition has pledged to increase spending on aid in order to meet a United Nations target of 0.7 per cent of national output by 2013.

Among the failed schemes, details of which have been disclosed in other government documents, were:

* two information technology programmes in Mozambique and Ghana, where DFID ceded too much control over the schemes to the countries' governments, which failed to supervise them adequately;

* fraud in the Kenyan education sector which saw money meant for text books and improved classrooms stolen by fraudsters who organised workshops which never happened and manufactured receipts. DFID has spent £55 million on the programme since 2005;

* "leakage" of 14 per cent of notebooks provided to Malawi because of lax management at warehouses, as well as "leakage" of teachers' salaries in the country of between five per cent and 28 per cent;

* an audit in Malawi also found 700 "ghost teachers" (about 3.5 per cent of the total) on the payroll that DFID helped to fund.

There is a common thread - inadequate supervision allows, at best, incompetence and at worst, theft to swallow up the monies allocated. The ring-fence may be justified but the fencing needs to be improved on the ground where the money is laying about waiting to be stolen or wasted.

The Coalition's commitment to maintaining the aid budget is bizarre. DFID is admittedly a very small department, responsible for less than 1 per cent of state spending. But it is hard to see why it should be thought sacrosanct when spending on so many other vital areas is not – particularly when there is plenty of evidence that a significant proportion of our overseas aid is completely wasted.

This protection of aid is in place when Ministers have been told to submit proposals in the face of a 40% cut in budgets. 25% cuts were described as certain to hurt - 40% must be a killer blow. Ministers will have to think the unthinkable. The task ahead is enormous, and they are proceeding in the right direction, and with commendable resolve. But for their plans to succeed, they will have to tear down the ring-fencing.

If it is verboten to cut the money back, then we have to find ways of reducing the sums demanded so as to remove the ability to siphon funds off and to improve the way in which budgets are controlled. Just how spending is approved is cloaked in mystery but I suspect country A says 'we want 20 more wells at £10,000 a go' and we remit £200K to their Treasury. Just what happens then is, I suppose, 'nothing to do with us'

Those who seek aid should be required to submit fully detailed proposals for everything they wish to do. Where, why, start date, stage completion dates and costs as each stage is undertaken. Cost accountants would look at what was suggested, Economists at the returns on the expenditure, health experts, environmentalists and any other applicable expertise should scrutinise the project. All disbursements controlled from London and the opportunity for fraud reduced. If something is provided for the benefit of all of the foreign populace, regard should be paid to recovery of the expenditure from tolls or other charges for use. One Indian village charged for the use of a shower and the income was sufficient to get a public lavatory.

These requirements would have two benefits. The locals would learn budgeting and project management which would move them towards greater independence. Some applications would not be made as they were deemed too much fuss and trouble.

I always have one query when I read of overseas aid. When we were in the country and devoted ourselves to governing it we were wicked colonial despots. Now, we are just wonderful where we hold the purse strings. This does open up another aid question - why not require the former masters to bear the lion's share of aid donations? Germany, Belgium and Italy all had colonies in Africa so why not have them pay for what they failed to put in place during their rule?

Without let or hindrance

Those lovely old blue British passports used to have a warning that the holder was British and was not to be messed about. The current EU identity document has something similar but, coming from a mongrel organisation and looking like a Flemish dog license, carries little weight.

Way back at the beginning of May this year I wrote of the predicament of an Englishman held in an Afghan jail on corruption charges. He is still there despite valiant attempts by his loved ones to orchestrate his release. How can it be that this man has not been returned to the bosom of his family? Are our Government representatives in Kabul really doing all they can to overturn what seems to be an injustice? I doubt it.

My direct personal experience is that consular etc offices do not exert any Herculean efforts to assist our Nationals when they are in trouble with local authority. They have to maintain a working relationship with foreign governments and it can be a delicate matter to tell one's opposite number that his jurisdiction is crap. This is especially so where the individual is a man proud of his country's status and his independence. Afghanistan is such a place. It could be difficult to raise the case of one single Englishman's incarceration where the subject country is complaining of a rain of death indiscriminately taking the lives of their women and children.

Our people would prefer to leave any lobbying to the individual's employer and shelter behind "best efforts" and "every endeavour". At the time when I was occasionally involved all that this required was a visit every six weeks and I doubt that hallowed procedure has changed. Approaches to the FCO in London would be met with the same "best efforts" response and any attempt to obtain details would be met with "it is all very delicate" rebuff.

The man was employed by a security contractor that is deemed as amongst the leaders in Afghanistan of that industry. They have contracts with the Afghan government. This should give them access to that Old Boy Network that is so essential to getting things done in foreign countries. What is being done by them seems somehow restricted in the accounts of the case for the man's release. Their competence could be subject to some questions.

The case started after a Government agency seized two of the firm's vehicles. The reason given was that they were not correctly registered but they seem to have been told that a cash payment to the agency would effect their release. The sum demanded was not a small one. The seizure and demand for cash payment should have arisen the suspicions of any white-kneed English virgin who had never been further East than Port Said. Were the two vehicles so important to the operations of the large security company that prompt action was essential? What would be the cost - financial and organisation-wise - of leaving the vehicles where they were and settling the matter as one would by a fine levied by a proper authority. Could the employer not have enlisted the services of a go between if they had any doubt as to the legality of the demand? Maybe cost a bit more to pay such individual but he could negotiate a discount on the levy and it would be an Afghan skin at risk. Some may say I am being wise after the event but I would require a security company doing business in Afghanistan to be very wise as to the risks and the way things were handled in a country well known for corruption. I am not so naïve as to overlook the possibility that their contracts would not have been so seemingly successful and wide spread without sponsorship of a Minister at least. They doubtless assumed that it was a very minor matter.

Certainly, the choice of defence counsel seemed strange. The employment of a female must surely be unorthodox in a country where a woman is deemed as less value than a good hunting dog. Those hearing the case were most likely embarrassed to have her address them. No interpreters were provided and the accused spoke no local language - there surely was an opportunity for her to get on her hind legs and object in a forceful manner. My information is that there is to be an appeal today and our Man in Kabul is 'observing'. I would feel more comfortable if he were in there fighting and not just looking on. Kabul must have a local equivalent of Mike Mansfield and he is the man we need. Able to rant and smooch the bench in a language they understand.

It will be noted that I have not given much detail of the man in jail. Every article or mention makes play that he was a major in the Military Police, served 28 years as such and is the holder of the MBE. None of these are irrefutable rebuttal of how he acted when he passed over the money demanded. I have dealt with corrupt officers including a number from the Military Police. The 28 years of service must hurt given that he was so easily conned into a course of action later determined to be illegal; just what had those years taught him? His campaigners have attracted considerable numbers all claiming that he is an honourable man. This may well be true but they cannot really know what happened in this case regarding his actions on a particular date and time in a defined place.

Some may say that I have no idea of what he is suffering. Well, I have visited numbers of British personnel in Middle Eastern prisons and they are not nice places. The absolute power of a foreign country was demonstrated to me in Libya in 1961. I was working with the local police where a British soldier was accused of the murder of a local national. Whilst the inquiry was in progress, his son died in UK and there was a need for him to go home. He was in a local prison and the efforts of the Consular office for his repatriation were scorned. The police Commander made the point that they would never see him again once he was outside their jurisdiction. I met with him and he agreed to let the man go in the understanding that if he did not return when due, I would take his place in prison and be held until he did appear back in Benghazi. I felt confident enough to agree. The Welshman returned to the Valleys but came back so all was well.

Envy

Owners of Bangladeshi restaurants are concerned about the recently announced the cap on workers entering the UK from outside the EU. They say that experienced staff are only available from Bangladesh and if this dries up some restaurants will close.
A further point is made that it’s difficult to find and train indigenous workers.
There are however a number of factors that create this problem. First there a tendency for Bangladeshi owners to feel more comfortable with their fellow nationals. The reluctance of UK workers to go for these jobs many preferring the “job option” of benefits. The Government must intensify the pressure on these lay-about s to fill these sort of vacancies.
No exceptions should be made with regards to the cap. Every non-national who enters this country adds to the considerable cost and strains of maintaining the infrastructure of the welfare state

No - not my own words but a rant from what one would expect to be a responsible publication if the name were any guide. I shall not give a link as it is not the suggestion that I want to mention but the way in which such ranting posts have spread of late. I leave aside any comment on the format of this persons contribution other than to say that it might be indicative that they were denied what they would call the privilege of a decent education that might have helped with punctuation and reasoning. The same individual also gave us the benefit of their thoughts on how people should be subjected to some sort of parenting test and, if not rated suitable, would be dissuaded from producing offspring. The solution of sterilisation was not put forward; merely withholding of allowances. Until, one assumes, the innocent child or a feckless parent, dies from starvation.

The policies of the two main Parliamentary parties have long fostered the politics of envy. Over the last couple of decades it has become possible to compare how unequal different countries are. In the more equal of the rich countries, like the Nordic countries and Japan, the richest 20 percent are about four times as rich as the poorest 20 percent. But in the most unequal rich countries, like the USA, Britain and Portugal, the differences are twice as great: the richest 20 percent of the population may be eight or nine times as rich as the poorest 20 percent.

Inequality makes societies hugely dysfunctional. Greater equality is more important than most of us ever imagined. It affects the whole social fabric. It is not simply that more unequal countries have bigger inequalities in health, in how well kids do at school, or in obesity. Instead more unequal countries do worse overall.

Their populations tend to have shorter life expectancy, higher levels of violence, bigger prison populations, more teenage births, worse physical and mental health, higher obesity rates, more widespread drug abuse, lower levels of trust, less involvement in community life, poorer school performance and lower levels of child well-being. And the differences are not small: each of these problems is between two and six times as common in more unequal societies as in the more equal ones.

All that looks as if Britain is at the head, or near the top of one league. An undesirable position. Britain does badly, for instance, on teenage births, prison populations, obesity and on measures of child well-being. But how often do these issues get discussed in their proper context? Yes - they are raised in the yah-boo politics of Wednesday Questions and on late night TV talk-fests but never in any serious context. The well off are complacent with their status, the less well off/underprivileged lack the tools to fight their corner. Any path to improvement seems denied them and insults are their only solution.

Bertrand Russell said envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness. It is a universal and most unfortunate aspect of human nature because not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by his envy, but also wishes to inflict misfortune on others. Although envy is generally seen as something negative, Russell also believed that envy was a driving force behind the movement towards democracy and must be endured in order to achieve a more just social system. Islamic belief is, if memory serves, that one must be content with what God has given to them by saying Maashallah (God has willed it). Certainly, my local newsagent seems content but his co-religionists in, for example, Pakistan do not have this sagacity.

I suppose that Dave's new idea of inclusiveness springs from a wish to involve everyone - those who feel ignored have an outlet. At the moment, all it appears to have done is increase the level of verbal violence replete with "Wo*s go home" style sentiments. After all, we are not so long away from the exhortations of the rabid ferret Tebbit that the unemployed should take up cycling. Any tax saving - unproven - that might accrue from not supporting incomers would merely be lost in 'improving' things elsewhere in our economy.

I'd be very happy to support anyone who seeks to change things but mere condemnation not backed with any proposal or plan is boring invective. I am lucky; I live in an area where there is no significant penetration of 'foreigners' - those from more than 20 miles away are so classified here. Any who I do encounter are nullified by my policy of reverse-apartheid. I have no need to rant but they exert some sort of fascination and I cannot merely scroll down or click them away.

Perhaps I could do a blog about ranting?

But then, I just have!

Blog on

Having entered into the Oldies Trimester of Tedium, I need to make sure that there is a structure to my days. No lolling in the recliner watching endless re-runs of NCIS or new home searches looping through the Devil's Mirror that is TV. Reversion into second childhood has got me to the physical status of a pre-toddling crawler so the options are limited.

I have re-trained as an internet lurker. Every day without fail I spend time in my study going along the highways and byways of Google land. It is a full time job. I have the assistance of an application that allows me to follow a regular track of contributions that meet my selection criteria. Mostly news feeds but with a fair sprinkling of blogs. Visits to these have unearthed other sources that do not get incorporated into my Bloglines; these are favourited and frequently direct me deeper with their links.

Quite frequently, I find myself reading something that started out as having the potential to interest but, as line follows line, I find myself querying just why the hell the writer thought anyone could muster interest in their offerings. Why the heck do people blog anyway? I see blogging as a separate art form with its own rules and structure. A blog is not a diary or journal, it is not a Letter to An Editor neither is it a newspaper article.

My favourite answer as to why blog? is the one that it gives people a voice. All too often we find ourselves seeking some way to confirm we are live individuals and not the vast amorphous collection of frog spawn that the Government would like us to be. We want to have a say. Not just the 15 minutes according to Warhol but a regular appearance in the amber glow of the spotlight. They may be seeking to justify themselves - Belle de Jour maybe? Those facing a harrowing journey where writing shone light into some very dark areas.

Then there are those who rage at the machine - an excellent summation here:

"Of course we believe in freedom of speech," say members of the establishment, "we believe in freedom of speech even for those who say things we hate. Freedom of speech, after all, is a pillar of modern, liberal, society."

Yeah right. There was never such a thing as freedom of speech. In order to speak freely you had to have access to a printing press, a newspaper, a radio or a TV station. And everywhere you had to get past the editors. Only an elite ever did the articulate and well-behaved representatives of ordinary people. But ordinary people themselves never had a chance to speak publicly. Not until now. Today the internet revolution -- led by a ragtag army of bloggers has given us all a chance to be irreverent, blasphemous and ungrammatical in public. We can reveal secrets, blow whistles, spill beans, or just make stuff up.

Of course the old elites don't like it. Of course they really, really hate it. Blogs are shut down left, right and center, and bloggers are silenced, reprimanded and fired from their jobs. Suddenly modern liberal society reveals a repressive face few of us knew existed. Should we behave ourselves? Should we fall silent? Hell no! Let's call them on their hypocrisy. Let's demand that modern liberal society lives by the principles it claims to embrace. Bloggers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your gags.

That declaration speaks volumes to me. Obviously, not all bloggers have such high ideals and ambitions but I can sustain quite a lot of rubbish if just one in a thousand has the drive recorded here. So - blog on, That which does not kill me makes me stronger.

Customer Service

Customer Service has been taking a lot of stick of late. We had the claimed ignorance of help desks which manufacturers solved by moving support departments to some foreign land. Whilst I am sure that the forms of contract required that staff employed in helping the angry and confused customer, interpretation of these had gone amiss. We faced what seemed to be bad imitations of Peter Sellers and Sophia
Loren.

What passed as English had obviously been tested locally - the Goodness Gracious Me syndrome. It passed for English locally but was nothing like the language the English spoke, Intonations and emphasis were all out of kilter. They had problems understanding us
The next step seems to be that the companies are withdrawing from foreign lands and seek to deal with the troubles here. Not a great gain really where they have language bots that scan messages for clues and then reply as if humans had been involved. I have recently been trying to get information from the support team for one of my iPhone applications. After a myriad selections on the site form, I sent it off. It bounced straight back as undeliverable; the email address was not recognised and suggested I should forward it to the . If it ever gets to such a person, they, doubtless, will concentrate in dealing with the duff address and my query will go unanswered.
Assuming one can get in touch, I may have found the answer. I have been getting the run-around from a tailoring firm regarding delivery of a pair of trousers. Fob-off were "We will look into it and get back to you" They didn't but repeated the 'get back' message. I thought I might try another tack: I sent this message.

Michele
I am saddened at not finding any response to my request as was suggested by your email of 22 June. I had hoped that the 21st Century communications suggested by your recent re-locations might offer better contact with the trouser tailor than you seem to be encountering. I can but conclude that the fairies who come into your premises during the hours of darkness and magically fabricate garments for gentlemen's nether regions are in some form of trade dispute?
I appreciate that the working methods of Brunel, one of our finest engineers of large scale structures do not fit well with prompt service but had hoped that the effluxion of time since our first trembling contact way back on 9th May (2010) had advanced things such that my biped-cloaking desire might be almost satisfied such that the trouser gnome could assist with your desire to afford me customer service.
This may seem a lot of fuss - indeed in anything smaller than a 54" waist, one might describe it as a storm in a teacup. I am an aged person and now mainly confined to the boundaries of my humble residence. However, towards the end of July, I have the opportunity to escape and be indulged in a matter of great familial significance where I had planned to appear in the full glory of your finest corduroy. Truly, the cloth of a King. The magnificence and significance of this occasion would be greatly prejudiced were I were forced to display myself in inferior products such as are, I understand, freely available from those who pluck previously fabricated garments from a shelf and have them winging on their way overnight. It was my fear and trepidation at such embarrassment that led me to seek comfort from a simple promise on your part to so manage things that I would have satisfaction within the eight or so weeks ending on 4th July.
I plead with you to search under those many other supplications for service that cover the tea chest employed as "Michele's Desk". There should be something there that occasionally issues bell-like sounds. This may permit you to make contact with the senior elf of the trouser tailoring department and solicit best use of GANTT and PERT in letting me have 100% guarantee of delivery not later than close of normal business on 5th July. I appreciate that typhoon warnings in Hong Kong Harbour may disrupt your use of the bell-noise emitting machine but I would enjoin you to make best use of whatever might be needed to get this poor supplicant the information he desires. Your contact if far off places might need to know the order number RC7446178 or, alternatively have me identified on his collection of rusty nail file-hangers as that 'fat bastard up in Scotland'
Appreciated

I had a proper reply within 3 hours and the goods arrived 3 days later.
So, if you cannot beat them - join them and treat them with some of the bullsh*t they unload on us.