Personal freedoms

I read this post yesterday. Maybe, because I know the writer, it had a resonance.

I recognise the emotion she describes. I think I have been as upset and depressed as she is here. Dealing with Army discipline is hard. Striking out - in any way at all - at one's known oppressors is out of the question. One cultivates a hard shell but that takes time to grow. My time in civilian employment after I retired from the Forces was not all peaches and cream. Here, desire to see food on the table meant that much workplace aggrevation had to be swallowed. Both of these situations required relief and finding that big, dark and lonely mountain was an essential if one were not to collapse, dribbling, in the lower foothills.

I made some sort of trite comment but it was not for some while that I realised the freedom I now have. I am bounden to no one. Things that would once have made me annoyed, frustrated or feeling useless can touch me no more. What's the worst they can do - kill me? So what; that is on my old man's horizon anyway. If I do not like something, I have the freedom to say so. Whilst still beholden to the 'niceness' of everyday social conventions, they are not paramount. If I wish to express myself fully and frankly to someone who has not got my point the first time - fine. I can do it. I can be a nasty grumpy old man. All aspects of my life are free. I have not worn a suit in over two years. My polished shoes lie slightly dusty in the wardrobe. I rise and retire to suit myself - the dog means that I am reasonable here though. My days of looking for a private mountain are gone.

So, I can reassure my - I hope I'm allowed to call her - colleague that what she is going through is not unique and in no way self-inflicted. It can be borne. And, like all good Hollywood movies, it all comes right at the end. I suppose the trick is to make 'the end' a long-drawn out process.

Todays Guest blog

No link. The whole thing in full right here. Comes from a woman I met through this blogging thing. Red hot designer but we have exchanged a few other ideas.

Did you ever just feel like finding a mountain, the biggest, darkest, loneliest mountain, climbing to the very top and screaming until your lungs hurt and your voice won't scream any more?

Scream at your own frustrations, your lack of real control, your own impotence, your inability to find the answers, at your weaknesses, lack of insight, and at life and your own stupidity.

Scream at those that seem to take delight in making life harder than it need be, scream at the inconsiderate and selfish, the hurtful and insensitive, those who take without giving and who live life blinkered by their own need.

Did you ever just feel like finding a mountain, the biggest, darkest, loneliest mountain, climbing to the very top and screaming until your lungs hurt and your voice won't scream any more, screaming into the silence, screaming at everyone and no one, screaming at life to get the f**k out of your face and just let you be, even if only for a few hours...........