Take the boy out of the country

Whilst I'm really quite happy here (despite occasional doubts about some of the denizens), there are times when I miss the Great Wen that is London. Things like this, for example,

It's a rule that the days I take off work have to be bloody horrible, and today's just horrible, isn't it? It won't even have the decency to snow. It'll be alright once it gets dark since cold, wet nights are always more bearable than dismal, damp days in my book. Sod it, I'm pulling the curtains.

Out and about last night, trying to find a decent pub to watch the football in and winding up in an odd place next to Scotland Yard, where a Russian bloke got laughed at for wondering why a pub full of English people wasn't solidly behind Chelsea. He's got a lot to learn...

Got there by District Line, travelling on one of those recently done-up trains. Is it me, or do they not look quiet right? That dull colour scheme's common on the continent, but on the usually-colourful Tube? A bit strange. Especially because the old trains had that proper London Transport moquette on the seats which also used to appear on the buses.

And one day, our grandchildren will sit up in wonder at the thought that once upon a time, we used to get buses and trains which didn't talk to us all the time. Almost all the Tube does it now. ("The train is for North Greenwich.") The new trains do it. ("We shall shortly be arriving at... Westcombe Park.") Some buses do it, especially the ever-irritating "please stand well clear of doors" - route 422, I'm looking at you. (Or, for nostalgia freaks: "Welcome to Millennium Transit route M1. The next stop is at the Dome," followed by a spiel about how good the bus was, and how it wouldn't be ripped to shreds in six years' time after being converted into a crap route to Bexleyheath.) The trams in Croydon have them, and just when I was thinking the Docklands Light Railway was a refuge from them, its new trains have them too.

Obviously, there's a good reason for them to be there, but do they all seem that bit more intrusive than the ones you hear in other cities? A chime and a few words is all you hear on other metros, and even in Sheffield the trams have a cosmopolitan coolness about their announcements.

But here it's a full orchestra of beeps and clumsy announcements which suggest someone's been a bit tight with the budget. "Change here for Docklands Light Railway and City Airport bus link." Not at Canning Town any more, love. And the Central Line voice was telling you to change at Bank for "Network SouthEast" long after it ceased to exist, and long after the Tube had taken over the Waterloo & City Line.

And it's going to spread... soon, there'll be more voices on the buses too, telling you where the bus is going and what's coming up next. "Welcome to night bus N1. This bus is for Thamesmead. The next stop is at the Strand. Please do not be sick on the person next to you. Have a good journey."