Good for a laugh

I like the idea of using satire to communicate. There is a new web-based publication that, if it keeps on track, will have to be added to my news gatherer.

Where is the Exit?

My guest blog today is from a doctor describing just what goes on. Supporters of the NHS will squeak and remind us what the Minister said, As if that is Gospel. What is written in a guest blog is corroborated by a senior GP.

Go read. My living will says that I wish no resuscitation, no artificial nourishment and no replacement of fluids. That should do it. Even if in coma, I would rather they gave me the dignity a dog gets rather that what a service commended by all the world and free at the point of service

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They wouldn't buy this if it were the script of a horror movie

Getting our minds above our belly buttons

There has been some discussion about the dumbing down at the BBC and on television elsewhere. We see more and more programmes that are cheap in content, profitable in that viewers are required th use premium rate phone lines to compete and meretricious in tone. The general media – newspapers and magazines – have concentrated their coverage on what is intrusive, exploitive and sometimes even fabricated. The sort of product established by Hello and OK or what are known in America as check-out magazines. This sort of 'entertainment' has crept into the quality papers from thje red tops. We see competitions where a fabulous 2 week holiday in Barbados is the prize. All one has to do is answer just one question. “Is the holiday on offer for A – 2 weeks, B – 14 days or C – a fortnight”
This dumbing down is insidious. My wife watches some sort of CSI – Wherever each based it seems in any major city throughout the whole of America. If not, it is good Old Norman the master joiner with the workshop bigger than Victoria rail station. If ever our local carpenter is stabbed with one of his own Stanley chisels, she would be a natural for leading the investigation. I try to point out to her the incredible mistakes in these CSI scenario but she fails to see that they have been, in those words now famous, sexed up.
I am convinced that this process is having a detrimental effect upon us all. There was a convicted murderess Myra Hindley. She and her slightly mental partner abducted young children, tortured them to death and then buried them in wild places up on the moors. A later reincarnation of these two was Ian Huntley and his partner Carr. Huntley enticed two young girls into his home and there murdered one during a sexual act and killed the other to stop her screams. Huntley was a serial sex-offender involving young girls who came to police attention many times but was never taken to court. Hindley acted with clear intent of killing. Huntley knew exactly what the outcome had to be the moment he closed the door. His perverts paradise as school caretaker would collapse if either girl left that house alive. Two characters well deserving the death penalty we gave up. The manner of their offences truly horrendous. Scary to the parent of any young child.
Yet, within a very short while, what purported to be Hindley jokes started to appear. The least offensive I will show here involves her being asked if she would like to go out from the prison on a holiday as part of her psychiatric treatment. She replies that it would be nice but she would not want to go to the moors because of 'all them kids getting under her feet'. I am sure a few of you are saying, “Well. What is so offensive about that?” At the time this witticism appeared there was a great furore. The story was repeated when Hindley died. Almost total lack of any response.
Last Christmas we had the Huntley joke. The BBC had already drawn criticism over a programme they sent out. The other Huntly story was the question “Why does Huntley not like Christmas?” The sought after answer was “Because he cannot get the smell of Holly off his fingers”. Holly was the given name of one of his victims. This appeared in a number of blogs, forum, web joke pages and elsewhere. Generally, it met with stern condemnation. I've seen the joke repeated just recently – doubtless part of our run up to Christmas. No reaction from those who were all for banning and punishment just a year ago.
I just wonder what the relationship is between dumbing down and what seems to be our acceptance of what would previously have been the unprintable. It extends to the four letter words. The F-word was hardly ever used when I first mixed with adult men. Now, it is introduced as an advertisement and T-shirts are worn by young girls. The C-word was even less heard. Just loiter at the edge of a road rage exchange and see how they are now assimilated into everyday vocabulary. Very obscene and racist chants are heard at football matches regardless of the presence of young children.
I'm sure I come across as 'Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells'. Yes – well maybe. I'm seeing and hearing things I would prefer not to. My Army years removed any suggestion of prudery. I'm seeing the effect of dumbing down on those around me and general standards of public life. It is as if my wish to see some hot young film star in her bikini comes up as a raddled old prostitute in stained and holed knickers.

The broad umbrella of the Church

I am not a believer in the sense of going to Church on Sundays in my best suit and my own personal missal under my arm. I know many will say that this observence is nothing to do with the true Church. My disbelief goes further. I've noted on here that I had a now-deceased Aunt who would nowadays be described as some sort of Christian fundamentalist in the style of the Taliban (or, even, a Jesuit). She had a great influence in my childhood and I could pray, sing hymns, quote from the Scriptures, pontificate as well as any faithful in the last year at Seminary.

The er - scales fell from my eyes when I joined the Army and saw just what went on outside my Aunt's upper class Victorian lounge. The world was not a happy place - I knew that but had not realised just what went on in the big wide world. I got to that question I suppose we all ask sometime. "If my God is the God of love (or insert definition to suit), how does he permit (such and such) to happen? Where is the Love in that? Why does a shepherd allow one of his flock to be treated in this way?". An age-old philosopher named Epicurus has put the ultimate problem into words, Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; or he can, but does not want to; or he cannot and does not want to. If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent (meaning He is weak somehow). If he can, and does not want to, he is wicked. But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil, then how comes evil in the world? This is, of course, the Big One when it comes to things the clergy must know. I'm being tested, I'm being punished, I'm sure you have heard them all anyway. I once had a very long discussion with a Jewish rabbi on the lines of suffering as a means of spiritual growth. My Catholic contacts had the quick answer along the lines of 'have faith. Believe' when I put the final question to them. It was the non-resolution of this question that led me to put religion on one side.

This is a preamble far longer than intended about something that has just been decided here. It concerns a young woman Helen Percy. A "It does not matter whether you gave your consent or not. It is still adultery" She went to an tribunal. She had been punished and male ministers known to have extramarital relations were allowed to remain in office. Now, this is where things get very spooky, Low down and dirty. The kirk's response to the tribunal was that 1921 C of S Act states "It receives from Lord J C as divine head, the right and power subject to no civil authority to legislate and to adjudicate fully in all matters of Church discipline" In other words 'Foxtrot Oscar the World'

I live within 80 yards of a Church of Scotland church. I hope that I can resist walking that short distance with a can of red spray paint in my hand. 1921 in Scotland when it comes to religion is like the Dark Ages and I can understand the safeguards built into the Act. But, just what sort of twisted, out of date, unsympathic mind allowed this to be used as a defence in 2006? I do not know what this case will do to the image of the Church of Scotland but for me it reinforces my attitude to organised religion.

Just in case there is anyone out there who worries about my state of disbelief, let me add that my early grounding was sufficient to cause me to realise that one must have a set of guiding principles in place of any 10 Commandments. 'This I will try and do. This I will not do". I formulated my own. Amended and expanded as I went through the school of life, hard knocks class. A couple of years ago, I went off on a Buddhist retreat. Given what that religion has been through, I thought it might have answers about a God of Love protecting us. They live by 10 precepts. Same number as Commandments but set out without reference to coveting my neighbours arse. This is they.

• The ten precepts
  I undertake to abstain from taking life.
  I undertake to abstain from taking the not-given.
  I undertake to abstain from sexual misconduct.
  I undertake to abstain from false speech.
  I undertake to abstain from harsh speech.
  I undertake to abstain from useless speech.
  I undertake to abstain from slanderous speech.
  I undertake to abstain from covetousness.
  I undertake to abstain from animosity.
  I undertake to abstain from false views.

These almost exactly reflected my Things I will do and Things I will not do. I cannot put hand on heart and say I achieve every one of these, every day,in every way. I do try. If there be anyone reading this with a problem regarding religiosity, I commend these ten simple sentences to you. They work far better after discussion and expansion with a learned Buddhist but work straight out of the box as well.

Peter Tatchell & Gay agitprop (spider bait)

This article has me quite in a quandry. I am trying to isolate just who it is that I detest the more - Tatchell or the Iranian.

The Pink one condemns the M.U.Slim was-leader and gives a death toll over a number of years. 200. Very much less than Saddam Hussein would have destroyed had anyone the temerity to fart in his presence. This is not to be flippant. PT says what a horrible person the man is and how he deserves tho most serious punishment. He then goes on into his usual diatribe about how the war/realignment/search for wmd/oil exploration was unjustified.

Off you go Peter. I just HAVE to use something stolen from elsewhere. "Get out. Don't let the door hit'yer where the good Lord split'yer."

Raymond Chandler

Ran out of new books to read so attacked the library walls. Just flicking through the pages of the first Raymond Chandler book I picked up, my eye was caught by a passage I used to know from way back. About detectives and their manly requirements. Seems I still fit the bill? Moot point is the 'common man' reference. If he is talking in terms of numbers, then I am not the same as the majority of the blokes out there. Thank God.

"Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. The detective must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor. He talks as the man of his age talks, that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness."
— The Simple Art of Murder; the words mean streets were an inspiration for the title of Martin Scorsese's film Mean Streets.

Now - here's a funny thing (big hairy rapists)

Sorry if the title upsets feminists, maleimists, LGBT people or whoever. I'm still trying to attract spiders.

The rapists bit comes from the report that the Pitcairn Island rapists are to have their own newly-built island prison and prison staff. All at a nice few pounds. My understanding is that the act of rape is not viewed as a serious crime on the Captain Bligh of the Bounty-connected island. Sort of porch sitting I suppose with the attendant social classification of Daddy Uncle. So, what is being done to improve the sexual mores of the half male population that will not be incarcerated? Reckon the vagina robbers have the upper hand anyway as no approach exists to the island other than in long boats crewed by island-born men.

Reference the spiders. My traffic meter tracked someone who visited whilst looking for some form of high (and scary looking) maths. Obviously, I've been using words without knowing their meaning. Duh.

This goes off into the blue on a wing and a prayer.Blogger has been rubbish this last week. Thinks just disappear. Others stick in the 'Publishing' page. Hitting 'publish' to get out results in multiple publishing of the same item some five or six hours later. If I knew what and how to do it, I'd migrate elsewhere.

Talk of knowing what to do reminds me of this week's University Challenge. I was having trouble with something on the new video camera so contacted #1 Son for clarification. The email was about 2 pages long. The reply was about one word long - RTFM. Yes, well. If you are going to cheat by reading the manual................

Another report down the loo hole

Came out today. B.Liar gives it the status of best report almost ever. Oh myGod - that report deemed inferior on WMD, got us into a shed load of troubles. But already, huge chunks of it are deemed unsuitable for much beyond cat litter.

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Read all about it!

Baiting spiders - use my skin tight flimsy pants

Since I was cruelly fouled by the morons of TalkTalk, the readership of this blog has not recovered from my unwonted absence. Here is my attempt to get things going again by baiting the trap. Anything from now on that has the word Spiders as part of the title can be ignored by the reader of this page.

Google, Yahoo, O2, BT. Dailt Telegraph. Times. Graunidad. Dark skinned temptress.

Shut that door. Graham Norton. Motor bike with one exhaust. Duncan Norvelle. Chase me. Kenneth Williams. Sandy and this is my friend Julian.

Ladies with large chests. Lesbians with moustaches. Snoggi knickers. Soggy knickers. Huntley. Carr. Dr Shipman. Village people. Queer Queen. Straight or GLTBT.

That is about enough of that for now I think. Making me feel quesy.

Don't use THAT word

Yet another example of the blinkers worn by Old Dobbin at the BBC.

Just about every word from the dictionary about demonstrators is deployed. Except the one that starts with M and ends with uslim. If they leant over backwards trying to avoid this word in all the places where it would be correct, they would find themselves in a different post code (XIP code for them as don't live on the island).

Every day, in every way...

Things get worse. The guest blog today is from someone with a nice turn of phrase. Good points presented in an interesting manner.

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Who died and named you God?

Spider web - Mk 2

I am sometimes joshed a bit when I pick up my Times newspaper. General opinion of those who make remarks loud enough to be heard is that it is an old fartys paper and there is 'nothing in it'

Go see what is written. All human life is there.

Spider web - mk 1

Penis Size: A Scientific Study
Further to this, this.
METHOD: To study the effect of penis width vs. length on female sexual satisfaction, 50 sexually active female undergraduate students were asked which felt better, i. e., was penis width or length more important for their sexual satisfaction.
RESULTS: None reported they did not know, or that width and length were equally satisfying. A large majority, 45 of 50, reported width was more important (p < .001).
CONCLUSION: Implications are discussed, including the fact that the data seem to contradict Masters and Johnson about penis size having no physiological effect on female sexual satisfaction.
[Yeah, I know, but that post title is going to pull in so many hits.]

No comment required

Go read - I've written about this already some while back.

Then exercise the eyeballs here.

Roll on the day when the Lord shall say

"Heaven and Earth

Close order March!!

Little Old Sparky

This is exactly the sort of thing I covet. Apart from using it as the designer intended, I'd make a few quid leasing them out to those persons who seek domination and punishment. Lay the todger across the arms - GO!

Even charge for those who want to come to a Kentucky BBQ.

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Christmas is coming.

Little Old Sparky

This is exactly the sort of thing I covet. Apart from using it as the designer intended, I'd make a few quid leasing them out to those persons who seek domination and punishment. Lay the todger across the arms - GO!

Even charge for those who want to come to a Kentucky BBQ.

TODAY'S GUEST BLOG
Christmas is coming.

Honour amongst thieves

The Times reveals:LABOUR’S chief fundraiser has implicated Tony Blair as the key figure in the cash-for-honours scandal, a well-placed source has revealed.
Lord Levy, a close associate of the prime minister, told Scotland Yard detectives last month that he was acting on the direct orders of Blair when he secretly obtained £14m in loans from businessmen to fund the party.
He has been questioned twice in the past four months after it emerged that four businessmen who lent Labour money were also recommended by Blair for peerages. The honours were blocked by an official watchdog.
Levy’s potentially incriminating testimony could prove crucial to the decision to question Blair — the culmination of a seven-month inquiry. Police hope to interview the prime minister within the next five weeks.
A prosecution source said: “Levy told the police that everything he did was for the top man. It wasn’t for anybody else, just for Blair. That’s why the PM has to be interviewed.”

I can see B.Liar with walnuts in his cheek to get the right accent saying "Levy. He sleeps with the fishes" Mind you, if he has to reprise Brando, I'd prefer to see him and the Big Mouth From do that bit from Last Tango. You know, the basis for the butter brand "I can't believe it's not butter"