Be warned

My blog has a counter. It certainly will not wear out from recording visits if I am to set visits against comments left. Actually, I am not very impressed with the mechanics behind the clicks. It claimed that a nice retired teacher in Welsh Wales was living very nearly as a Russian school hostage taker halfway across the world.
So, I'm going to see if the counter is a valued asset or just a waste of bandwidth (Whatever that means but it seems a very fashionable phrase right now). I wasted some time working out what might attract comments - that photograph of me naked on a lambskin rug perhaps? Spot the difference in a photo of me standing next to King Farouk? Sophia Loren with the sun behind her?
After much time, I realised the truth in that I was looking in the wrong direction. Instead of showing the dimples in my behind, my unsatisfactory attempt at a Muslim moustache or the perfect Body, I needed to provoke people. In this day and age, easy peasy.
So, watch out. Bar the children, get dark glasses and hide the cat in a flower vase. I am working on the repulsion blog to end all repulsion blogs. I shall pose as a gay male with a occasional lesbian personality shift. Stories of haunting childrens' playgrounds with my camera. My powerful binoculars and sixth-form girls on the way home from school in their black tights. Torture of cats and dogs. Lighting bonfires in neighbour's gardens at midnight whilst the washing is still hanging out. Abusing the minimal shelter of telephone boxes for all of my needs and desires. Advising teenagers that bodily fluids are good for spots and pimples.
And that is just the negative side. I shall write in support of wind farms in rural areas of great beauty. Insist that all pigs be destroyed because they offend our Muslim brothers. Set up a Pram Police to arrest and detain those who admire and go coo coo at babies. Big Brother on all TV channels. Wife Swap to be mandatory.
My goodness - I'm beginning to enjoy even the planning.
Remember, it is only your comments that will dissuade me. You might even suggest other topics for my Repulsive Blog.
You have been warned.
This is not a drill.