Flunkit Blunkett

Oh deary deary me! What is the man Blunkett up to now? The latest of his “man of 58 with woman of 29” saga has hit the world news with her releasing that, not only was his interest in her carnal rather than platonic, he wanted to bless the union with a baby. Her description as to how he made this desire known is just so so yucky that one might imagine it was scripted by Dame Edna. As if the basic story were not dodgy enough, we have the involvement of some ticky tacky go-between; one Tariq Siddiqui. He set the woman up on a blind date (sorry, that is what they call that sort of arrangement – the story does not need off-colour non-p.c. jokes) at a London night club. Our swinging David asks, “Does she look as good as she sounds?” which fires a bit of a broadside through his claim of an intended platonic friendship. Siddiqui’s role in this sounds exactly like those guys who haunt such clubs and approach young – usually blonde and busty – girls with lines like, “My sheikh would like to buy you a drink”. Pimp or procurer – either fits. He hassles the woman when she is unsure where the association should go.
My interpretation of DB’s last passage to paternity was that he was used as a sperm donor by a willing couple who did not want to go through IVF channels. Here there is no doubt that he really does want offspring. “Come out with me and I’ll give you a baby” may be a successful chat-up line to some schoolgirl mum-wannabe on a sink estate but is hardly a come-on for a well set-up woman in reasonable employment. I can sympathise with the guy – at 58 anyone of the opposite sex aged 29 must feel as if that first real love has returned – but he needs to be removed from the gene pool because he seems to be degenerating into a bottom-feeder. I cannot see him returning to any government post after the next re-shuffle or election; he has lost all credibility even for a Labour politician. Perhaps we could make him a British consul in somewhere like Thighland where he may fornicate and father away with fecund females without attracting too much attention. He could earn his corn in the visa section exporting nubile girls for his friend Siddique’s escort agency.