Sunday, 12 March 2006
| Oh me?...I'm fine..... 7:30am : (Wake up to the distant sound of the phone ringing).. "what the? ..is that the phone..oh well it stoped, likley a wrong number..... 7:31am: (Phone rings again)... "ok..thats odd...who would be calling this early?" (attempts to grab the phone but gets to it too late) 7:32am (One ring)... "Oh I bet the stupid car has broken down again and hubby is stuck somewhere between home and work and now I am going to have to go get him... argggg".... 7:40am I slowley sit up in bed, grab the phone and check for a message..there isnt one.. "odd, why wouldn't he leave me a message if he's broken down... maybe it wasn't him after all..." (I dial call return to check what number called....).. "yep it was hubbys cell phone...I guess I'll call him back"... 7:43am (calling his cell)... "why isnt her answering??"... "this is annoying...just pick up".... ok I'll try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again..... 8:00am... "This doesn't seem rite, hubby would never call here at this time unless something was wrong.. what could be wrong besides the car breaking down...if the car broke down, why isn't he answering to tell me where he is so I can go get him.... I dont suppose he could have had an accident.. no no..your so paranoid...just keep calling"... (calls cell.... again, and again and again and again and again) 8:15am.. "Hello" ????? "(who is this person answering hubby's cell)" "Hello? Who is this?" "Is this Mrs. K?" "yes"(heart rate increases raises signifigantly)"who is this?"... " This is the paramedic " (starts to feel sick but manages to talk). "Oh no, whats wrong?" "Your husband has been in an accident, another car hit, the drivers side strait on, it pushed him over an embankment and he rolled the car several times, he is now on his way to the hospital"......(head spining, tears burning my eyes) "Is he alive?" "yes he is"... "should I come to the hospital rite now or will they move him (not sure why I asked this)... "why don't you sit tight and wait for the hosptial to call you, they can tell you more"..... "ok"... "Mrs. K are you ok".... "oh me? I'm fine.. I just want to know if my husband will be ok"... 8:16am ...I call my parents..no answer... calls again... calls again... calls again... dad answers "hello" "hi, J has been in an accident, please come watch the girl for me I have to go"... "what, slow down, is he ok?".. "i have no idea, just know he's alive and on his way to the hospital... please come quick".. "ok, I'll wake mom and head over"... "are you ok?".. "oh me? I'm fine...please just come quick, I have to get to him". 8:20am.. gets dressed, brushes teeth, combs hair (sort of) and waits.......... 8:25am phone rings.. "hello"..."is this Mrs.K?"... "yes"... "hold on please"... hubby: "hello"... me (silently...thank you God, he can talk, he must not be too bad)... "honey.... what happened, are you ok???" ... "I am not too bad, lots of cuts....can you please come".. "oh honey of course, as soon as my mom arrives to stay with the girl I'll be there" hubby "ok I have to go now".... "ok I'll be there soon bye". 8:26am... WHY DIDN'T I TELL HIM I LOVE HIM?? WHAT IF THAT WAS MY LAST CHANCE? PEOPLE TAKE TURNS FOR THE WORST ALL THE TIME... 8:27am... sits and waits for mom... "what is taking so long?"... hear the girl awake upstairs.. go up and start crying the instant I see her little face and realize that she has no idea what is happening. She smiles and says "hi mommy"... "eyes??" "yes honey..mommys eyes are wet, its ok though".... "mommy?... daddy?".... I can not answer her. 8:30am... hear mom at the door, carry the girl down, hand her to mom and leave 8:31 - 9:00am... drive to hospital and think about all the worst possible thoughts 9:02am...get annoyed that it is so stinking hard to park at the stupid hospital and think of all the time it is costing me 9:04am..run into emergency....down the hall.... 9:05am.... Oh my... (the tears rise to the surface of my eyes)... There he is laying on a stretcher...covered in blood, his face, his head, his neck, his arms. He's holding a big guaze to his eye, his right arm is bent because the Dr. is trying to stich up the huge gash in it. He doesn't see me because his eyes are closed...but the Dr. notices me and my big belly... "oh my" she says, "you should sit down"...I realize she means me... "oh me? I'm fine"... tears brim again, I call him by name and walk closer.. he opens one eye and looks directly into my soul, the same eyes I gazed into when we first dated, the eyes I looked into when we took our vows, the eyes I have gazed into so many nights when we make love, the eyes that looked at me with such compassion when I was in labor with our daughter, the eyes that filled with tears the first time he held her... "thank you God...for letting me look into his eyes again".. I pray this quietly enough for only God and me to hear... The doctor starts to explain that he has suffered too many cuts to count, that his right elbow is very badly beat up and they had to cut a chunk of flesh out of it because it just had too much glass to get out, they are worried about his left eye as they had to pull a big "hunk" (medical term), out of it and they think there may be more, he is covered in mini pieces of glass and the pieces are too small to pick off but big enough to be causing more tiny cuts. The good news is nothing appears broken and his internal organs all seem ok...they are going to do an eye test on him once we finish stitching him up. I nod and hang on everyword...he is ok I think to myself, beat up but ok. A police officer starts talking to us and than I hear what happens. Hubby was traveling north on a two lane road, a car in the south lane started swirving and hit the drivers side strait on with the front of her car, both cars were traveling aprox. 80 - 85 kms/hr and the air bags went off, hubby was pushed up a snow bank and over an embankment,the car landed on its hood in a farmers feild. All the glass on the car was shattered and the only thing that saved his life was his seat belt...."well that and God.." I think this but keep it to myself... hubby NEVER wears his seat belt, never, ever, ever...it is a constant battle between us.... when the officer tells us the other driver will be charged with reckless driving and leaves, i turn to hubby and ask "why did you wear your seat belt today?"... "I dont know" he says," I didn't have it on but I stopped to get a coffee and when I got back in the car I just put it on.."..... I bow my head and hold back tears.... We head to the "eye test room" where the dr shows me with a special light the cut on his eye ball... "that is big".. i think to myself... they don't find any more glass and tell him he will have to return to the hospital tommorow morning to have his eye tested again Next we sit and wait for results from his blood and urine tests... it comes back that he has blood in his urine but they are not concerned as this is common in car crashes of this severity. Just keep an eye on it and if it gets worse come back. 12pm: I get him in the car and we start to drive home.... a long drive to think about all the "what if's" We arrive home, I have to cut his clothes off as they are too glass covered to keep and he can't raise his arm to get them over his head. I attempt (unsucsessfuly) to wash the glass out of his head. The doctor told us she has never seen so much glass on someone...I start to belive her as we wash and wash and wash and still can't get it all. He takes a cold shower because if it is too hot his pores will open and the glass could enter...even after the shower I pull several pieces of glass out of his ears, head, hands, nose...I am starting to think we will never get it all. He is sitting on the bed as I am pulling the glass out of his ears and he says to me "are you ok?".. "oh me? I'm fine...I would like to give you a hug though"... We hug....I feel his arms, smell his skin and I fell myself falling, every bit of me wants to stay strong but as his arms surround me I realize that it all could have been over like that. The tears come than.... uncontrolled... pouring out for what we could have lost today, for the girl who could have lost her daddy, for this unborn child that would have never had a chance to meet him, for me who in an instant could have lost my husband, my best friend, my partner in life, my lover... my everything. He lets me cry and reassures me over and over again that he is ok, that he didn't die, he was allowed to live. Given another day to be with me and the girl. How fast it could have been over, how fast everything about my life could have changed..... Tonight I realize that I need to hug him more, kiss him more, tell him I love him more... thank him more, because tommorow it could all be over and there would be no second chance. He is so brave, so strong, I admire his strength, through rolling the car, being strapped to a stretcher, having glass wiped from his face and chunks pulled from his skin he showed no weakness, but an hour after we were home my mom called and put the girl on the phone, I sat and watched as he took the phone, the girl said "Hi daddy.." and gone was the strong man, instead was a man who had to bow his head and let the tears drip down onto the bed sheets "Hi honey.... I love you".. "nanou daddy".... I than had to wipe away my tears... Now he is resting comfortable...tommorow morning we are headed back to the hospital for another check of his eye... I hope sleep will come for me when I turn in but I doubt it. How am I?... "oh me? I am thankful my husband is alive, I am mad that this happened to him, I am tired because until I sat down to write this I had not stopped all day, I am glad I can do all this for him, I am a mess because I know I could have lost him today, I am scared because I have no idea what I or the girl would ever do without him.... other than that.... I am fine.
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