Sunday, 22 August 2010

Don't keep picking at it

If one has the slightest edge to their life, there will be occasions when one has to resist. Resist something from within yourself as in the urge that says sex with that lady would be a good idea and never mind the big guy buying her drinks right now. Bearing down on the idea that her glances could mean she might welcome your intervention.

Ones responses can push one into conflict but the wise person sooner or later realises that there are some fights one cannot win. Me and Mohd. Ali would never have sold a single ticket - except maybe a few to my enemies. Sure, we all make enemies. These fights need not be physical; could be your boss is trying to find reasons to get rid of you without involving an employment tribunal. Every day he finds something or other to ring your bell. Keep that up long enough and the stress will rise up like acid reflux.

When that happens, you are fighting on both fronts. His mental torments increase the stress. The stress feeds on the body and manifests itself physically. Then one gets into that downwards helter-skelter where the landing is depression. Then one is in the Hall of Distorting Mirrors.

So, maybe one should recognise that there are some battles that cannot be won. If that can be achieved without too much retrospection as to whether it is because one is too weak, or the opponent is overwhelmingly strong then the answer must be to give up the fight. That can be an incredibly difficult response; especially if one has led the sort of life where fighting for one's soul or sanity has been rare. Maybe you have won every other battle that has faced - I do not think there are many such people who combine honesty with self-recollection.

The tactics of giving up are not simple - not just a case of picking up your jacket and walking away. Saving face as in getting an in-lieu payment by undertaking to stay away from Tribunals. Undertakings from an employer that they will be constructive in any references. Maybe even something simple as a handshake and a shrug. I have dealt with circumstances where an end to naked and aggressive confrontational debate has led to calmer negotiations that led to a outcome that would have avoided all the aggro anyway.

The alternative has to be sinking into depression and loss of any positive self-image where one spends time in pointless self-justification. Think of where depression leads - it is not a top ten tourist spot. It seems guaranteed that once bitten - one is forever in thrall. Seemingly normal everyday life runs up against some sort of flashback and one is in the snake-pit again.

I have avoided links. I never found anything written to which I fully relate and the best insight I was ever given was that it cannot be cured: merely alleviated. Drugs were of minimal aid - self-doubt and negative feelings came about every time I opened the container.

It is this seemingly invincible power that has convinced me that there are wars one cannot win and should not be entered into. Now - I still fight and resist. But only so far. Then it is down to the mental equivalent of voodoo dolls and needles.

If you have difficulty sourcing voodoo dolls, drop me a line. I've got drawers full all part used where the pins have killed off my concerns!

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