Saturday, 28 August 2010

Thanks for the laugh

We are currently afflicted by politicians who are all too damn serious for my liking. The power they are capable of deploying is immense and it worries me that they may never see the funny side of anything and thus remove the tensions.

Will we see this sort of thing again?

"I know how hard it is to put food on your family."

"The problem with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepreneur."

"I own a timber company? That's news to me. Need some wood?"

"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." (Parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock?)

"Thank you, your Holiness. Awesome speech." (To Pope Benedict.)

"It seems like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of -- and the allegations -- by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble -- that means not tell the truth."

"I was proud the other day when Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce your support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will. Speaking about Saddam Hussein, 2002.

"I was looking for a book to read. Laura said you ought to try Camus. I also read three Shakespeares.

"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein.

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."

Of course, Dubya had no monopoly on this sort of thing.

"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca

We understand the importance of having bondage between parents and their children. Dan Quayle

Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.
Dwight Eisenhower

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.
-- Sen. Chris Dodd (D, Conn.), on the Don Imus show, on campaigning

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.
-- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

Survivors of the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
-- Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)

Joey Bishop (talk-show host): Would you like to become a regular on the show? Barry Goldwater: No, thank you. I'd much rather watch you in bed with my wife.

You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy!
-- President Bill Clinton, looking at the recently-discovered Inca mummy "Juanita"

You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us.
-- Bob Dole

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. -- President George Bush

You can't just let nature run wild.
-- Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska
(Alaska - maybe it is something in the water?)

I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity.
-- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?(extending his hand during a campaign stop):
Woman: I'm your Secret Service agent.

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment,it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-Dan Quayle

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle

"We are not ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur."
-Dan Quayle

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well,all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
-Dan Quayle

"It is wonderful to be here today in the great state of Chicago" - Dan Quayle

It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!
-- Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind.
Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-Dan Quayle

-Dan Quayle

Yes - cheap lineage for me but it might cause someone to smile and maybe even feel a little superior!

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