If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?
If you're a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?
Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?
Is "tired old cliché" one?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback?
Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer?
Is a small pig called a hamlet?
Is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?
Is drilling for oil boring?
Is duck tape made out of ducks?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
Is the nose the scenter of the face?
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft?
Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?
The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?
Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
What are imitation rhinestones?
What do batteries run on?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do penguins wear for play clothes?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
What do they call a French kiss in France?
What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company?
What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What do you call male ballerinas?
What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happened to the first 6 UP's?
What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What happens when none of your bees wax?
What happens when you swallow your pride?
What if hell really did freeze over? What would we be using instead?
What if someone died in the living room?
What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What is "Soft Liquor"?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What is a refried bean? Why do they have to fry it twice?
What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?
What is the diameter of a square?
What is the speed of dark?
What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?
What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What's the synonym for thesaurus?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
When day breaks who fixes it?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
When night falls who picks it up?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
When we say our mind wanders - where does it go?
When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress?
Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?
Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?
Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Where does your lap go when you stand up?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Where is Old Zealand?
Which is the other side of the street?
Who killed the Dead Sea?
Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are highways build so close to the ground?
Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just call them dried grapes?
Why are some gay people so unhappy?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?
Why are violets blue and not violet?
Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?
Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
Why can't we tickle ourselves?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why did the pot call the kettle black?
Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?
Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on?
Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi?
Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job?
Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways?
Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
Why do pigs have curly tails?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?