A mad mad mad world

Today, I finished reading what might laughingly be called the ‘news’ in my daily Torygraph but was feeling too idle to get up and be-doing something or other. My eye was caught by a phrase on the Kindred Spirits section of the page. This is a lonely hearts-type thing. Women looking for men, men looking for women and, shock horror, even men looking for men. There is a further section headed Friendship which I assume is for those of the Sapphic persuasion. I’ve never paid any attention to these items before – and don’t suppose I will ever again – but they paint colourful images on my mind which, I freely admit, is some way from driven snow.

Thus, we get things like “Are you a vivacious lady of any race who enjoys wearing strappy high heels?” So, much not doubt what is wanted there then and I don’t suppose that it would be a lasting relationship. Once you have seen one strappy high heel, you’ve seen them all surely. Another caught my eye thus “Rough diamond. 60, gsoh, adaptable, caring n/s seeks friendly tactile older female for home life in SE Sussex” This translates to me as an irritable old sod looking for a housekeeper who will occasionally lay hands upon him. He has low aspirations as suggested by his being ‘adaptable’

There seems to be a pronounced desire amongst the lonely females for males who are ‘tactile’ or who enjoy ‘cuddles’. There are some where they want someone 65+ and also has to be athletic. That’s him into an early grave from over-indulgence then. Some seek to attract attention by painful honesty such as “Grumpy old woman, still working, tall, grey-blonde, drop-dead and wrinkly wltm tallish grumpy funny old man for walking, picnics, fine dining and fun” What happens when the grumpy coincides with a one in four incline, boggy track in a force nine downpour where the picnic basket has been left in the car? No fun or fine dining there then?

I’ll not go too far into the men on men styles – there might be something there that turns my homophobic into homoerotic. I cannot but help noticing a number of stated preferences that the partner sought be military, ex-military, Royal Navy. That guy is missing a trick – what he really needs is a Royal Marine. They are very tactile, athletic, like cuddles and would have no problems with a grumpy attitude.