Thoughts on a Sunday

As a soldier, I never gave a lot of thought to religion. I knew it was a subject likely to rouse deep argument and was best avoided. I had little reason to think about my faith. This was strange; as a child I had been pursued by a maternal aunt who was what I suppose could be called a religious maniac. Her whole life was governed by her belief in Christianity. She also saw herself as a missionary with a duty to involve others in this way of life. I don’t think I actively resisted what she propounded – at that time one did not do this with adults and certainly not with aunts. Rather, I associated her conduct with her; something that went with the terrority like wearing slippers in Grandmother’s house. What I think I gained was a sense of right and wrong in every-day terms rather than fire and brimstone for the wicked and harps and angels for the virtuous.
I had a general knowledge of the 10 Commandments and did not question these.
Religion had little place in my adolescent years. I was a scholar, an athlete and, yes, a choirboy although this was because I enjoyed singing in resonant places rather than the spiritual side of things. My work in the Army brought me into contact with tragedy and villainy and I began to hear the question, “Why did he have to die when there are so many bad people left alive?” One of the ways in which one may treat this exposure to stress is to engage in black humour so it was not a question which gave me cause for thought. I sheltered behind the adage “Shit happens” I did pick up another thought “There’s always a day called Catchem” which is really just another way of saying that one’s sins will find one out. I would sometimes weigh the consequences of “Catchem” against my wish to do something. I did not resist Christianity, it was something I ignored. Little thought was given to the existence of a superior being. In part, this was because my travels had brought me into contact with other religions. If I did compare things, I suppose I came to the opinion that there could be many ways to any God.
Just after we moved to Scotland I went away for a long weekend at a Buddhist retreat. There I came into contact with Buddhist precepts. These, to my mind, corresponded to the 10 Commandments and I regarded them as a description or plan for how to conduct oneself. They meshed in with what I tried to do in a worldly way. There was much about the Buddhist way of life that I found attractive. The simple and mega-peaceful atmosphere within the monastery was very relaxing. The monks had very deep beliefs and I found it very easy to have deep discussions with them without having any sensation that there was some Faustian conspiracy at work.
There have been times when I have questioned the whole idea of religion. It is something that accompanies my bouts of depression. Given that I have no religious foundation and strong belief in Christianity or any other faith, I was unlikely to change to being an atheist. It was more